Back in The Saddle

Checking in from the grand Hoosier State here, reporting that it is weird as hell to be back in America.

From the moment I walked in to my mother's house (where there was a hand-made welcome home sign) to the moment I sat down at the computer to start writing this, I have been struggling with balancing the "Rwandaself" and the "Americaself." Neither self is better than the other in total, but together, they truly are my "Bestself."

First part of "Bestself" was to take the longest shower I've had in the last four months. It included many different soaps, shampoos, conditioners, body scrubs and moisturizer. The bathroom was a literal fog when I was done with it. After that I went to the kitchen and was disappointed. I was craving chapatis and samosas!!

I set off the next day to the store to purchase "Rwandaself" requirements: ginger, raw sugar and soymilk (ingredients for African tea) and naan bread (as close as I could get to chapati). I've been scared to eat anything super-processed for what it will do to my stomach, so I've been sticking to pretty basic meals. Then my dad had us all over for dinner and served the most amazing chicken noodles and mashed potatoes with a huge salad and a strawberry/rhubarb cobbler. I ate and told stories about Rwanda and had so much fun. It was so nice to be surrounded by family, but sometimes my reminiscing about Rwanda made me incredibly sad and miss it so much.

So far in the interest of maintaining the amazing friendships in "Rwandaself", I've been able to talk with or email with or chat with everyone back in Kigali and that is truly comforting. There's nothing better than knowing technology prevails over oceans and thousands of miles.

It has been nice to shop at grocery stores, but it's still overwhelming. There's no hotbox with warm goodies in the form of samosas, fresh bread and chapatis. I can use my Visa card at every turn and I drive to and from the store (I would walk, but its about 10 miles away). There is something nice and relaxing about being able to drive a car - even though some of the country roads rival the potholes of Kigali.

So, besides the fear of food making me pray to the porcelain Goddess - I'm bringing as much of Kigali to Indiana as I can. I'm still perfecting my African tea - the soy milk substitution is hit or miss, but I've definitely mastered the ginger! And I continue to dig my room out of the madness I left behind, it's strange not to be in a tiny dormstyle room with my best friend. I'll sometimes yell out at her, and then remember she's not 50 feet away at all times. I think I've gotten to the point where every comfort here in America has a corresponding feeling of missing something in Kigali.

In closing, there is so much I miss from Rwanda but I am really happy to be able to talk with my friends every day and whenever I want. I'm really happy to be with my family (even though they are CRAZY!). There will always be a piece of my heart in Rwanda and I think about my kids every single moment of every day - there is almost nothing I miss more than them. The job search is daunting and requires more patience than I have the capacity for. I start substitute teaching at the end of the week AND they've put me on two school districts, which will hopefully keep me distracted while I wait for responses from companies.

We're still rockin' the Manolos attitude, except now the bush is in Mass and Indiana. The good thing, is that the bush is a little more familiar and a little less full of foreign animals and languages. But it is still full of questions unanswered, chapters to be written and dreams to be fulfilled. The blog will be different from now on, but so are we, and that's really exciting.