...Rules to Live By in 2010...

========================================
resolution:: [rez-uh-loo-shuhn] the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.
rule:: [rul] a principle or regulation governing conduct, action, procedure, arrangement, etc.
============================================

As I often do, I'm going to buck tradition this new year's eve and instead of making resolutions, I'm going to make rules. Rules to live by for 2010. I'm reading this interesting book by David Kessler, MD about our brains and how we can change our behaviors. Basically, Kessler says we can change our behavior through creating 'rules' for our brain. The longer we act by these rules (ie: I will not snack after 7pm) the more engrained they become in our behavior and become locked in the executive function of our brain. After a while, our brain just turns these 'rules' into normative behavior.

Whereas resolutions can become more of just anthems we live by instead of things that actually change our behavior. Or, they just become a check-list of things we do instead of helping us grow through them.

1. Let my mind see the sentence before my tongue says it.:: I often find myself saying the first thing that comes to mind and sometimes it would have came out so much better if I would have thought about it for a minute. It also opens the floodgates to be quick to anger or defensiveness.

2. Say yes (a bit) more.:: One of my defining characteristics is that I say "No." I say no when I don't feel like doing something that doesn't directly benefit my happiness. I try not to say no when I know saying yes would make someone else really happy - but I think I need to do more of it. Say yes to travel, yes to risk, yes to new cities and yes to new people and friends. Perhaps not yes to a new credit card.

3. Explore more kinds of music.:: In the few short weeks I've been home my sister has basically let me raid her iTunes playlists and I've discovered so many awesome new artists and albums. It was so nice to send out mix tapes for Christmas presents that had songs on them I knew my friends hadn't heard before or hadn't been played on the radio. I'd like to discover even more music!

4. Live Louder.:: Needless to say, spending the first three months of the year in Africa is most certainly the 'loudest' I've ever lived - but I want to make sure I take the attitude of searching out a higher meaning to my days carries through even when I'm back. I want to spend more time finding a job and making sure I'm living somewhere and doing something that makes me feel fulfilled not just fill my days. I want to be open to living anywhere. I want to be open to love. I want to be more open in general to all the things going on around me. I want to live out loud instead of in hi-fi.

5. Learn to cook a full chicken.:: I just think this is something I want to learn to do. In 2009 I mastered fried plantains, so I need a new food to master in 2010. If only for the fact that I know tons of things to do with shredded chicken, I just don't know how to do the part before the shredding. AND a good friend made me a roast chicken once that kind of changed my life.

6. Learn to can something - preferably pickles (the bread and butter flavor ones).:: Mostly as an homage to my country-livin' family, but secondly because it is an awesome way to (cheaply) make really awesome holiday baskets!

7. Embrace European attitudes towards food and wine (ie: lots of good wine and great meals).:: I need to expand my wine pallette and I also want to let go of the American attitude towards food which is: insatiable and constant appetites. I want to focus on a few really awesome meals each day that fill me up but don't put me into a coma. I want to explore more tea and coffee options. I want to make food an accessory to the outfit of life - not a pantsuit.

2 Stories For the Ladies with 2 Days Left in 2009

Being as the Manolos are both women - anytime we see inspiring stories about women we feel compelled to share.

First is a story about the most admired women in the country. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham-Clinton held on to her number 1 spot on the list. You didn't need to be living under a rock to know that Clinton has faced her share of sexist media punching in the last year, so it's good to see that people still hold her in the highest regards. These lists to me often reflect the aspirations of the people they poll and it feels like a triumph that people aspire to see more women like Hillary Clinton in positions of leadership. It gives me hope that the ultimate glass ceiling may actually have the potential of being cracked if we continue to view smart, well-spoken, driven women as our most admired.

The second story is about women in the workplace. Titled 'We Did It!' Economist features a profile on the status of women in the workplace and the fact that in the very near future, women will cross the 50% mark and make up the majority of the workplace. The story is hopeful and shows that in a time of financial strife and corporate collapse - there may be a glimmer of hope: women. Although women face more challenges than men in the workplace (less pay, family responsibilities, etc) we have come a long way from the Mad Men era. The story does a great job describing the challenges and benefits of a majority-women workforce but there is one thing I don't see present in the story. Something the Manolos experienced first-hand; a trend that we hoped was isolated but that we fear was not - the lack of the "Good 'Ol Girl" network.

Over two years working at various corporations with varying and diverse co-workers both of us experienced or heard stories of some of the most intense criticism and harsh treatment from female counterparts. We saw a 'woman eat woman' world where competition was standard and brutal. We saw young women come through the doors of our companies to only face harrassment by upper management men. We saw women opt to make a fresh-off-the-college-boat girls into blackberry toting assistants running personal lives instead of pushing them into challenging roles of managing accounts and supervising interns. We saw jaded, cynical attitudes directed at the wide-eyed young women entering the workplace.

Needless to say, we were surprised, but we persisted on. We saw hopeful networks of women who wanted to lift each other up and develop the careers of younger women. We saw the guiding hand of some of our women mentors reach out and lift us up; challenging us but leaving the demoralization at the door. We heard stories of the 'old days' while looking forward to a future of women who owned the societal networks just like men do now.

We are hopeful. We are hopeful that enough young women have experienced negative relationships with older 'chip-on-their-shoulder' women, that they will put in extra time to developing relationships with and mentor younger women. We hope that we will be able to help younger women get a pedicured toenail in the door to start working towards the career of their dreams. We hope that if we ever get to the level that we need an assistant we will make them feel like a valued team member and set them on the path of world-domination one blackberry message at a time. So, closing out the year on a hopeful note is something we couldn't be more happy to do.

In the words of good friend and author, Leslie Sanchez, "We've Come a Long Way, Maybe."

Percolator! (the coffee pot, not the dance)

"A cup of coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent."

There truly is nothing the assistants love more than coffee. Okay - well - GOOD coffee. One thing we've been particularly excited about is the locally grown Rwandan coffee we'll have access to for three glorious months. Coffee is quickly becoming one of Rwandas most accalimed exports - even garnering the support of the Clinton Foundation in their Hunter Development Program.

Today we stumbled upon another fanastic program centered on sustainable growth of Rwanda's rich coffee bean resources through USAID. The SPREAD Project (Sustaining Partnerships to Enhance Rural Enterprise and Agribusiness Development) is the USAID Agribusiness Project partnered directly with Rwanda. http://www.spreadproject.org/rwanda_exports.php

First, for all our friends, here is a list of locations (Murky's Coffee in Arlington, VA & DC; Intelligentsia in Chicago & LA; and select Starbucks to name a few!) carry beans from this project.

We can't wait to share with you the first cup of Rwandan coffee... the assistants are already scheming things that don't need to be packed just to make room for the coffee we plan on bringing back!

Just Do It

"...you got tuh go there tuh know there. "
-Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston

I enjoy watching people's reactions when we tell them we're going to Rwanda. Some, realize the genocide was 15 years ago and go - Wow, what is that country like now? Others, quickly think of Don Cheadle and say - Is it safe there - are people going around the streets with machetes?! Of course, we acknowledge and are preparing for our own personal safety, but until we hit the ground and start living in Rwanda - we won't be able to talk about what it's like. We'd be remiss to consider ourselves experts on the country after mere travel blog reading and research.
As we grow ever closer to our departure date I've begun thinking less about our role in Rwanda and all we'll be doing - and more about Rwanda, the country.

I've been wondering what makes the people of Rwanda tick. What do they get excited about and what do they think of America. What do they listen to on the radio? What do their libraries look like - and are they filled with African writers or all kinds of writers? I wonder about how long the sun stays out and if people are outside a lot when they're not working. I wonder if it's a walking culture or a driving/car culture. I wonder if they buy all their groceries at the beginning of the week or if they go each night. I've wondered if they make guacamole. I've thought about what times they eat meals - are they early risers and late dinner eaters?

So, I've thought a lot about the quote at the beginning of this entry because until you can talk about a country or its people - you have to go there. You have to immerse yourself in it and then you MUST talk about it. So many times we learn about other countries and other cultures through Wikipedia and Google. One of the main goals of the Manolos blog is to tell our friends and families as much as we can about this country that many of them won't experience besides through us and the stories we tell. I haven't had many close friends travel so far from home for such a long period of time, so I'm so excited to be giving my first-hand account to everyone I care about.

I've so been trying to not only, soak in new experiences (loading wood from the back of a truck into the basement; getting a pick-up unstuck from mud; driving in snow/ice again) but appreciate them and hold them close. I'm working to train my brain to savor each moment and each new experience. I'm trying to look not through a rose colored lens, but through a little less cynical lens. I want not only my planning and my physical self ready for the trip - but I want my mental self totally open and appreciative of each experience. Because everything from waking up to working to chatting will be completely different there. Much like my morning coffee in DC was rushed and sometimes violently pursued, coffee in the morning in Indiana is (much like Indiana) never rushed and always sipped instead of gulped down in a caffeine induced frenzy.

Still Need Stars When You're Wishing at Night

You know how certain memories stay with you, the sense of them so disctinct that it can bring you back to a moment in time as though you're still right there? I can remember 4th of July, 1995, with absolute clarity. The year I was 9. I was running along the beach with my friends, waiting for the fireworks to start, and I looked up suddenly and found myself so stunned by the night sky I got dizzy and fell down. I wasn't sure what was different; it certainly wasn't the first time I'd star-gazed. I just knew that the stars suddenly looked like they were right on top of me, close enough to touch, and a clear night in New Hampshire can still bring me back to that exact moment. To this day the first thing I do when I get out of the car up there is look straight up, just to have that feeling again, that the sky and all its mysteries are endless and very, very close.

I've seen the sky over Massachusetts in every mood and every season. I navigate by it; it brings me home. I measure the weather and the coming storms against its colors. I crave it when I'm so unfortunate as to be far away for too long. I learned later that it looks different from the NH sky because NH was and remains largely uninhabited and entirely devoid of major cities (have you ever seen Concord? neither has anyone else). When I went to Mexico I was shocked - it wasn't that the sky seemed closer, just that it was so full, and it went on forever. You could see stars behind stars behind stars, and it continued in every direction for, as near as I could tell, eternity.

In Washington, D.C. you rarely see the stars at all. But it does make for some very cool moons, larger than they should be, entirely alone in the night sky.

So what are the stars going to look like in a city that more often than not doesn't have electricity in most buildings, on a continent that mostly lacks for artificial light? What constellations can you see there during the winter rainy season? I try to follow Orion when I can. Not only is it a widely referenced romantic notion in many of my favorite works of literature, but aside from the Big Dipper and, obviously, the Scorpion, its one of the few constellations I can accurately identify in a pinch.

...Life In Motion...

"To live is to be marked. To live is to change, to acquire the words of a story, and that is the only celebration we mortals really know. In perfect stillness, frankly, I've only found sorrow."

- The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver

I've always tried to live by the motto 'live out loud.' The past few years, that vision has been a bit clouded by things like career, drama, a city that feeds on all your baggage and a lifestyle of endless workweeks with nonstop blackberry attention. The Assistants have been fighting to wrap our heads around what exactly we want to gain from this adventure we're departing on in a few short weeks. Lately, even as the stress piles up on having enough money for clean water and everything else on our checklist, it's becoming more and more clear why we chose to do this: to live, to expand our thinking and to take the chance of letting ourselves not have a plan.

Here's the thing about the Assistants: we're planners. We plan everything. We plan down to the minute and we itinerize and we make tabbed folders and binders. We've been living life through a very planned and precise lense - and it was fine because it was our job - but that lense got real heavy, real quick. Now that we've been able to detach from that type of lifestyle, we've been able to say - forget the posty notes, forget the agendas and let's just live each day as it comes. Even if this comes mainly from the fact that we're both way too broke to plan anything on any sort of financial stability - we still have started to fathom what it will actually be like to wake up in the morning and not feel the world crashing down around us in the form of checklists, to-dos and planning.

Speaking of living - today I helped my brother (who is a corn-fed, tall, strong ass farmboy) get our farm truck unstuck from the mud. For some reason, I felt high I was so excited I could help him. I was raised in town, so trust that I have zero experience in 'farm living' so I walked outside in a pair of crocs (Gasp! - I know) got beside my brother and helped him shove the truck out - okay, full disclosure, I pushed a couple times, then he made me get in the cab and hit the gas while he pushed. I felt like I was touching a different kind of lifestyle and I didn't feel an ounce of resentment towards it or an ounce of 'this is below me' attitude.

I've been feeling that I'm moving closer everday to being more of the person I want to be in my life and less of the person I have to be to survive. It's also becoming more clear that if these minor experiences are opening me up in ways I couldn't have imagined - Rwanda has many surprises in store for me, my psyche and my life. I'm starting to let go of the fear that those surprises will be something I'll regret and closing in on the idea that these surprises are going to change my life in amazing ways.

When It Comes to the Rainbow

An interesting (or, you know, terrifying) question of human rights has been raised recently that brings a new dimension to our travels abroad. Our flight will land in Uganda, and we will take an 8 hour bus ride down to Kigali. Uganda faces a number of challenges right now, including constant plots to overthrow the government and the kidnapping, training and amassing of "child soldiers" along the Northern Border (we will be ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THERE, in case you're wondering). But everything's relative, and these problems combined with an otherwise stable government and not completely tanked economy make Uganda a fairly normal country in Africa. It is also a largely Christian nation (although as with most of the continent there is a significant Muslim population) and as a result, Western Christian leaders - particularly American Christian leaders - have sought to have an influence there. In the U.S., despite the recent success of the Catholic Bishops in pushing anti-reproductive rights legislation through Congress, we have at least a nominal separation of church and state, but Christian leaders are not hampered by such restrictions in most African countries. They have managed to make the political ENORMOUSLY personal. As a direct result of Western interference, a new bill will be voted on shortly in Uganda. A Times article explains its consequences better than I can:

"I am the gay doctor," the physician whispered to me, making sure nobody
around heard. He talked about the gay and lesbian couples who go to his office
to avoid ridicule in public hospitals. "They know they can trust me, and trust
is a big issue," he said. "There is the stigma of being gay, but also the stigma
of being [HIV] positive. They are such hidden communities. Nobody wants to deal
with their problems."
In a matter of weeks, the Ugandan doctor's admission
to TIME could land him in jail and his patients on death row. An
anti-homosexuality bill now before Uganda's Parliament would include some of the
harshest anti-gay regulations in the world. If the bill becomes law, the doctor,
who asked that his name not be published, could be prosecuted for "aiding and
abetting homosexuality." In one version of the bill, his sexually active
HIV-positive patients could be found guilty of practicing acts of "aggravated
homosexuality," a capital crime, according to the bill.
Thanks to a clause in the would-be law that punishes "failure to disclose
the offense," anybody who heard the doctor's conversation could be locked up for
failing to turn him in to the police. Even a reporter scribbling the doctor's
words could be found to have "promoted homosexuality," an act punishable by five
to seven years in prison. And were any of the Ugandans in the park to sleep with
someone of the same sex in another country, the law would mandate their
extradition to Uganda for prosecution. Only terrorists and traitors are
currently subject to extraterritorial jurisdiction under Ugandan law. Even murderers don't face that kind of judicial
reach.
(Update: Reports out of Kampala late Wednesday indicated that
the death penalty may be dropped from the final version of the bill, which may
come to a vote as early as two weeks from now.)

A lot of Ugandans don't think much of the bill either:

If Uganda's anti-homosexuality bill becomes law, it will be little short of state-sponsored "genocide" against the gay community, a prominent member of the Ugandan Anglican church said this week.
Canon Gideon Byamugisha said the bill, which recommends the death
penalty for anyone repeatedly convicted of having gay sex and prison sentences
for those who fail to report homosexual activity to the police, would breed
violence and intolerance through all levels of society.
"I believe that this bill [if passed into law] will be state-legislated genocide against a specific community of Ugandans, however few they may be," he said.

As for the evangelical leaders whose misinformation, falsehoods, misrepresentations and outright lies lead to the bill, they're rapidly back-tracking, finally condemning the bill after weeks of being hammered in the media. Here's a phenomenal Rachel Maddow interview with one lying scumbag whose book - and the lies it contains - are directly quoted in the bill as evidence for why harsh measures against gay men and women, including DEATH, are necessary to protect society: http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/heather/rachel-maddow-takes-cure-gays-author-richa#comment-1380818

All in all, it puts a different spin on the struggle of being a first-world resident in a developing nation. Rserving judgment is clearly important. You don't want to be the American who goes to Italy and complains that you can't get a Big Mac, and you sure as s#@! don't want to be the American who goes to AFRICA and passes judgment on their development. The whole point is to learn, to take an experience away and hopefully give something back while you're there. Here we have an instance where Western leaders were clearly manipulating an African goverment for their own bizarre gains; it's sad, it's appalling and it's terrifying. But where does that leave the question of judgment? Is it enough to say Westerners should never have interfered? What kind of agency does that give Uganda? If this happened in Ireland, no matter who influenced it, I would hold Ireland accountable for what it was doing to its people. Does Uganda deserve the same treatment?

"...and you're doing what over there?"

The last few months people have been asking us about what we'll actually be doing once we hit the ground in Kigali. Well, besides the requisite avoidance of malaria and shopping of local produce, coffee and tea - we're going to be working with local women. In celebration of our most recent post, we're copying verbatim the program guide we were just sent this morning. It gives specific info on what we'll be doing, what's expected of us and what we can expect.

After reading the information - it was really exciting to see that we'd be doing some personal counseling with victims. Of everyone I know, the Assistants are the best at listening. We spent our formative years in DC listening to bosses, listening to coworkers, listening to clients and listening to strangers on the phone. If we excel at anything, it's listening.

The second thing I was most excited about was working with some of the out of school teens in Rwanda for informal English lessons to help them be more active in the workforce. Although most children in Rwanda complete primary school (up to 6th grade by US standards) - barely any complete secondary school. I see education as such an integral piece of a progressive nation - especially for advancing the lives of women. The World Bank's "2001 Household Living Conditions Survey" reported the average number of pregnancies was 5.6 for women with no education, 4.4 with primary education, and 2.7 with tertiary education. Although our program track focuses on the victims of gender based violence - we will have a role in providing some basic education tools from business management to English. If our work can provide a path to a stable source of income and limit a woman's vulnerability to become financially trapped in an abusive relationship - I consider our time there a success, even if we only get to one woman.


About: The program is aimed at assisting victims of Gender based violence (GBV)as well as carrying out activities that aim at reducing this vice. Activities will include education on GBV, trainings on small scale business management as well working with out of school teenagers.

Location: Gasabo, Kicukiro, Nyanza and Rubavu districts districts

Expectations of the project: your project will have its own expectations in regards to your volunteer responsibilities and duties, but you are also are expected to bring your own knowledge and skills with you and possess a positive outlook and a proactive style towards your work in order for your volunteer time to be successful.

Type of work available: You will be involved in psychosocial support (counseling) to GBV victims and also visiting and follow-up of victims for care. Other activities will involve teaching English in informal set ups to out of school teenagers and Women while interacting with them.

Additionally, volunteers will work with IGA groups in training associations on small scale business management, small scale agricultural activities that can generate income as well as daily monitoring of the activities of these associations.

Project ideas: You are encouraged to bring in creative and practical ways of fighting GBV as well as coming up with sustainable ways of problem solving.

About the Womenfolk

"There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women."

- Madeleine K. Albright

Have you ever noticed how the prep time for a meal takes longer than the cooking itself, or how researching a paper takes longer than writing it? The past few months have been like that. Filling out applications while working to save money while moving while sending letters requesting letters of recommendation while visiting while working while packing. And now we're at a pretty amazing place where the chopping and measuring is done, we're mixing it together, and we're preheating the oven. As a case in point, today was my last day at my temp job, where I have really enjoyed spending every day for the last few months. But no longer working is leaving me with a few weeks to travel, stand as a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding, pack, and write this post I've been meaning to use as a chance to clarify my thoughts, even for myself, on why exactly I feel such a strong need to work with women.

In a happenstance of universal balance, I am applying for M.A. programs in gender and women's studies while preparing for three months as a volunteer in a gender-based violence prevention program. There are other volunteer tracks, every bit as important and some as relevant to my studies and interests; the HIV/AIDS prevention program, for example, speaks to the needs of women and children who are heads of household, and calls on my training as a gay rights activist (oh yes, I know how to put the condom on the banana. TRUST.). Yet I still felt the most important work I could do would be directly with women.

As we've mentioned, Rwanda is an unusual case amongst not just African nations, but all nations. Their relative peace followed by abrupt and terrifying violence and their subsequent westernized approach to justice have all created a set of unique circumstances in terms of both culture and economics. But no facet of this development is more singular than how women have taken a new place in Rwandan society. Following the genocide, there were more women in Rwanda than men. This alone created new circumstances. Women needed to be able to inherit land from their male family members who had been murdered. Women needed to be not only allowed, but encouraged to run businesses. And a generation of Rwandan men has grown up for the first time in a society where women are equals. The westernized approach to justice I mentioned also means that the political system has been totally restructured over the last 15 years, with one of the new laws being that women must hold at least 30% of elected offices - and the other 70% must be split between men and women. As a result, Rwanda became the first parliament in the world with a female majority. That's incredible, crazy, and rapidly changing the face of one of the fastest developing nations in Africa.

All of these things make Rwanda the most fascinating case study a hopeful M.A. in gender theory could ever wish for. What has Rwanda developed that is translatable? What's transferable? And what commonly held beliefs about gender development can this nation prove or disprove? What experimental programs can they lend credence to or prove useless in practical application? One of the things I personally hope to examine closely while I am there is the success of microcredit programs. I've been interested in these since I first read about them in college. Here in the U.S., we give loans on, oh, say, a house. Big loans. It takes 30 years to pay them off. We do slightly smaller loans for things like higher education. A tiny loan is a credit card; quite frankly, the holder of that debt hopes you never pay it back, but pay interest in perpetuity. Micro-credit loans are tiny, tiny loans, with strict payment plans. They often encompass financial counseling, and they are meant to help women and their families become financially independent. A woman might take out a loan for a cow and a chicken, for example, and use it to feed her family, sell any extra milk and eggs, and use that extra money to pay back the loan. The program is happy she paid it back quickly, so they can turn around and lend that money to another woman - or maybe two, if she paid enough interest. You'll notice I keep mentioning these loans in terms of women, and there's a good reason for that. Micro-credit programs exist in many nations, including small African countries, and bigger countries like India, but they all have one thing in common: they work best when they only lend to women. In many cases, they only work AT ALL when they lend exclusively to women. Men hold just 6% of micro-credit loans in Rwanda, but they represent 4 out of 5 loan defaulters. How is that possible? Why is that? Is it cultural? Why does it happen in so many countries? Interconnected as these issues are, I also want to examine: how does women's financial independence play into or deter gender-based violence? How has reproductive rights in a small, only recently de-colonized and still very religious country been influenced by such a dominant female presence in politics and in every aspect of the developing economy?

I struggle constantly to narrow my interest in what is such a huge field, such a small title for such a broad range of needs. I try to remember that it's more important to do one thing and do it well than to spread myself across not just countries but continents, not just ages but generations, not just issues but whole genres in an attempt to do whatever small part I can to meet every need, a feat not yet achieved by the combined power and (vague and inconsistent) interest of hundreds of nations. I'm currently obsessed with starting a charity and a non-profit. For the cost of a lunch out with the girls - $36 - a woman in Africa can be given everything she needs to save her life during childbirth, still the leading cause of death amongst women in developing nations. I want to start a "Ladies Who Lunch" charity, where women put down $36 for a meal, we give the money to hospitals in Africa (Tanzania and Rwanda are particularly vulnerable, tantalizingly close to meeting women's medical needs with just a little more funding), and they listen to a speaker instead. I'm also struggling with a local problem. Here in the United States, former child prostitutes are turned away from shelters because they are hesitant to deal with sexually active minors. There are currently about 44 beds in shelters where former child prostitutes are welcome - and roughly 200,000 competing for the privilege of a place to sleep. Most of them get lost in the foster system, become runaways, or are held indefinitely in detention facilities as material witnesses to a crime: their own statutory rape. Here are the most vulnerable members of our society, already victimized by circumstances beyond their control, being victimized yet again by our culture's inabilty or unwillingness to accept children who are sexually active, whether that was their consenting choice or not.

And don't get me started on Afghanistan. It's better if I just don't read about the state of women there anymore. If I disappear, you'll know where my flight is headed. What a mess.

People like to remind me how lucky I am to be alive at this time in our history. Women can vote! they remind me. Women have equal rights, they run for President! And it's true in many ways. But it isn't enough. It isn't enough to have what we have here, and ignore how many nations oppress an entire gender, more than half their population. And it absolutely isn't enough to rest easy and pat ourselves on the back, thinking about what a great job we've done. Before the Shah of Iran was overthrown in the 70's, Iranian women had equal rights to men in the eyes of the law. They worked, they went to university, they dressed as they pleased. And then, in the interest of progress, they helped overthrow what they saw as an unjust regime, only to watch helplessly and horrified as it was replaced with one that took away their rights and over the years grew more and more violent towards them. If it can happen there, it can happen anywhere. And as I watch Stupak amendment pass the House of Representatives, and see Secretary of State Hilary Clinton advocate for the needs of women and girls in every single thing she does from one of the highest seats of power in our government, I do wonder which way we're going. But the way I see it, we can always tilt in either direction, and only constant work and diligence will keep us on track.

Nicole's Flight - DONE AND DONE!

Nicole's flight confirmation screenshot!!! ow ow- we're getting close folks =)

All Over These Internets!

Hey ya'll! You can catch us on Facebook too - we'll try to update both as frequently as possible with as much info as we have.

Flights get booked tomorrow! The end is near! We're almost there!

edu'ma'cation

Today was my first day as a substitute teacher. I'm not sure if you've ever met middleschoolers, but they are certainly a challenging bunch. I have decided that being a middle school professor is by far the hardest job in the world - harder than my life as an Assistant, for sure. I have a few exciting stories to share with the masses.

-One girl asked me if I was 'just a substitute' or if I was doing this to be a real teacher. I said "No, actually I'm doing it in between leaving DC and going to Africa." to that she responded "I think being a teacher would be better than going to Africa - same amount of bloodsucking insects though."

-I let the kids call me by my first name. I had hoped it would help them be generally respectful - it worked with the 7th graders, not the 8th graders.

-In general, 8th graders are far more difficult than 7th graders. I figure there is something totally hormonal and psychological that explains that. or maybe they just take up more room because they sure are louder.

In general I enjoyed most of the kids and thought they were all pretty great. However, there were some bad apples. I wonder if there is anyway that educational experience can be individualized so that students can maximize their potential without outside influence from other students that may not be at the same level. For example, we watched a video today in the class I was subbing. A few loud talking students disrupted the entire experience for the class - whereas, what if they had all been watching the video on their laptops.

It also really made me think about what its going to be like working with similar-aged kids in Africa. Will they have the same respect issues? Will they be eager to learn? Will there be some kids who are eager and others who are annoyed? How do cultural differences affect our attitudes towards education? All these things I thought about working with the kids today. Maybe the thinking got in the way of disciplining and thats why they haven't called me back for another day!

or, "Boston Marriage"

I love the word "partner". I love what it means, and all the cultural meanings we have imbued it with since its origin. I love it partially because I have always worked in the gay community, so for me it has come to express love and a life built beyond what society cares for, because its what you need. But I also love it because to me it expresses EQUALITY between two people, the idea that life is an adventure you are going on together. I love it because it leaves gender with all its loaded meanings out of the equation entirely, and I love it because it refers to lovers and friends alike. I love the phrase partner-in-crime, and the way it feels when someone I love says "my partner" rather than "my girlfriend" or "my lover", although those have their place too. I just love everything it means and everything it stands for, and everything it says about a relationship it applies to.

Think about all the kinds of partnerships one might refer to with that word. Partners in a law firm, partners on a police force or in the military, partners in life, partners on an adventure, partners of convenience out hunting treasure and meant to soon part ways. It's such a cool word, such an awesome way to describe someone and such a neat thing to be. A "partner".

My partner in crime and I are buying our plane tickets on Friday - we'll keep you posted!!!

File It Under "Crazy But True"

The assistants have left the building.

We are no longer running your life, your company, or your city. DC will just have to go on without us, as it has so many times before, as woman after woman exits out the revolving door and finds something new and exciting to do with her time. In our case, Rwanda. Go big or go home, that's how we roll, friends.

We had a pretty epic moving weekend (see motto above) in which one assistant got pulled over in Jersey (learn from our mistakes edition #4326785: trucks are not so much welcome on the Garden State Parkway) and took out some shrubbery (it looked at her funny) while the other survived torrential downpour in a loaded moving van. No one slept and several of us drank vodka with polish sausage as a chaser. There may also have been whiskey. BIG UPS AND THANK YOUS to the DC moving crew who loaded 2 trucks with 2 beds, 1 bookshelf, a futon and several dressers as well as, oh, hundreds of boxes, probably.

This is the moment we waited for: the beginning of the beginning. And we're so excited. Thanks for the memories DC, we'll do you proud. You made us who we are and we couldn't have done without you. You will generally not be missed. That's just who you are.

On the road...

Well - it has happened, the assistants are in their rightful places in Indiana and Mass. We had some amazing friends come over this weekend to help pack boxes, bleach things down and carry very heavy (and some fragile!) into moving trucks. Fueled by coffee and sheer will, we found ourselves actually moved out of the city. I won't lie, as I was driving a moving truck into the city at the crack of dawn and the sun started to rise over DC and the Washington Monument and Jefferson Memorial began to sparkle (like Edward Cullen!) I got a little teary. Okay - true fact, I cried a little. In my defense - I also cried a little when I got to my home state and saw the "Welcome!" sign. There were so many emotions running through us over the day - we started out sad to leave each other (again, after so brief a time together) but excited to get home and then as we left we realized with some epic anxiety that this officially meant we were leaving and meant we were going to Rwanda in six short weeks.

Now that I'm home, I'm moving in to a new bedroom in a house that I have never lived in. My parents moved while I was a senior in college, so I've never really had use for a bedroom here. But now - not only do I get to move all my stuff from DC into their house, I get to move the first 22 years of my life from one room to another, while infusing my DC life in to it. All the while, trying to remember what I really don't need, putting it into a clear plastic bin and storing it in my new closet - which is, by the way, the largest closet I have ever seen. The fun part about all of that is going through the wreckage of my entire adolescence and college life which is strewn through photos, tickets, nametags and passes, notebooks, journals, etc. I just found a journal that I kept when I was a summer camp counselor, the summer I fell in love for the first time. That will be fun to read one cold winter night.

The other exciting discovery was a set of china tea cups. There were six of them, all white with this beautiful little blue art on the side. I was in love with them and ran downstairs asking my mom where she got them and if I could have them. She said they had been my grandmothers and that I could wrap them up and keep them. I have never met my grandmother - she died before I was born, but I instantly felt a connection to her through these teacups that I knew I would love and that would grace whatever kitchen I found myself in next. It made me excited to feel close to her, excited to dip my toe into the pool of 'thinking-about-the-future' and made me excited to find other treasures buried amongst a room full of things.

Unfortunately, I didn't find anything else (yet - I'm about halfway done) as exciting as the antique tea cups, but I did find some old cross country pants from high school, my robe, jackets from all my old sports teams and my letterman's jacket. My mom got excited during the move and found photos from our family vacation to Disneyworld. My sister and brother had some of the most amazing photos in the pile. Seeing them so young and so happy was an awesome break to their current "teen angst" selves that we currently live with.

It's an exciting time for the assistants - we're making so much progress and are so close to touching down. Tomorrow one of us gets to substitute teach for the first time in her home state -- Jr. High Science - where she hears there is a very cute, young, new principal. Good things are happenin'!

Grace

We began our journey towards Rwanda almost a year ago, and at times the road has been difficult and the dream seemingly forever just out of reach. But at the worst moments - when one of us lost our job, when one of us got robbed, when one of us didn't get the raise we'd been counting on, when one of us had to move (one of us was definitely the more massive mess this year, granted) - something has always come through, some small break from the universe or moment of clarity that made it all possible. At no point over the last year has saving every penny and working as much as possible and dealing with the red tape and bureaucracy been easy, but more importantly, at no point has it been impossible.

But this week, so close to the finish line, was the hardest week yet. We came up against a wall that, partially due to exhaustion and stress, seemed completely insurmountable. For longer than a moment, we thought we might have come all this way only to fail. And then two completely unexpected things happened: one of us received a generous donation from our employer, and one of us received an equally generous donation from an anonymous source that may or may not be the Polish mafia. Seriously: this actually happened. We both unexpectedly, unsought and unasked, received a windfall from the universe that means we will both be buying our flights next Friday, and in 6 weeks, barring acts of God and natural disaster, we will be on the ground in Africa.

When Assistant 2 found out her good news, she got on the phone with her friend Devin, barely able to explain what had happened, she was so stunned. And Devin said, "Well, that's what grace is - it's an unexpected, possibly even unearned gift just when you need it most."

We are so glad grace is with us on this journey.

A special thank you this Thanksgiving also goes out to our friend Pawel, who is amazing beyond words, and a true gift in our lives.

Giving Thanks

I have a friend who started a blog called "Naked Thanks" where she and her co-hort write one thank you note every day for a year. The entries are "naked" in the sense there are no false pretenses, no heavy adjectives to fill the spaces, just raw thanks. It's incredible and hilarious and these two women have a fantastic point of view that makes for amazing reading. But after being inspired by some of their entries I thought of a few things I was thankful for - and although I'm not a pro, I'll try to make them as naked as possible.

-Thank you best friend. You know who you are because I just call you 'best friend.' Thank you for teaching me the wonders of cooking a hot dog "New England style." Thank you for not making me feel fat when we would have nights filled with brownies and box mac and cheese. Thank you for having a rooftop pool for a few months. Thanks for cleaning when I was up at 5am everyday media monitoring and not making me feel badly about it. Thanks for introducing me to the wild world of 'sleepytime tea.'

-Thank you DC Public Transport. You have introduced me to some of the greatest stories in DC. Thank you for mixing all sorts of people all together, putting us in a cramped space and making us ride together while you wildly pump the brakes and fling us against each other. I have often enjoyed the smells of my fellow Washingtonians early in the morning after their sweaty trek to the bus. I've sometimes even been lucky enough to slip in to one of those trains that doesn't have working air conditioning in the summer - now boy, those are a fierce hot ride!

-Thank you for rain. It proves who in DC can really drive.

-Thank you for sleet. For if I hadn't seen it actually fall to the ground with my own two eyes I would have never believed it. Where I'm from sleet is what accrues on the ground after it came down as snow and a few hundred cars drove through it. It definitely did not fall from the sky and it was not considered 'winter weather,' sleet was what winter threw up and let everyone stomp all over. There is some sort of comparison there but the witty comment is escaping me...

-Thank you for the right not to be represented in Congress. They're screwing everything up so badly right now, it gives me a sense of ease to know that I didn't have any responsibility in bringing any of them in.

-Thank you for lobbyists. Only, because they throw all those parties with all those free cocktails and the awesome spanokopitas. They may get a bad rap, doing all that special interest business and blocking legislation - but they really throw some awesome parties. If you're ever thinking about coming to DC, follow those hill staffers right to all the awesome parties that include free food and booze.

-Thank you for the endless summer. It allows all the ugly men in DC the chance to get tan so from afar or whilst intoxicated look like sunkissed adonises.

The Two Big Ws

When we explain that we are going to Africa, much like the Ws of writing you learned in grade school (who what when etc) two big Ws arise, as politely as possible, in conversation: "Why" and "White". Several combinations can occur, the most obvious being, "Why are two white girls going to Africa?". Sometimes there's the approving exclamation: "Why, how wonderful that two white girls want to go to Africa!" Sometimes we get the encouraging "You won't even begin to understand yourself until you've been a white girl in Africa!" Both of these basic sentiments, to me, sum up the real problem when we explain our trip: the notion that we are going to save Africa, or Africa is going to save us. Neither of these statements is true, and each one is damaging in its own right. We are going to Africa for the opportunity not only to travel somewhere we've never been, meet people we've never met, and have experiences we've barely dreamed of in a country and on a continent completely unlike our own, with an utterly different history and development and languages, but also to really immerse ourselves in life there. We wanted to make a point of going for three months to give ourselves the opportunity to do more than sight-see, and we wanted to work with this gender-based violence prevention program in order to learn as much as we can about the women who live in Rwanda and their experiences (women, their experiences and their needs are getting their own equally long-winded blog post, trust - we are drafting as we speak). We certainly hope to touch lives and have ours touched, but in all fairness, we are people who hope for that depth and richness in EVERY experience, from our jobs to a night out. In this case, we hope to be giving ourselves opportunity, circumstance and time for an experience even more out of the ordinary, and even more complex and layered.

I have been thinking about this particularly since returning to a small, extremely liberal, almost paralyzingly well-educated state. Remember how so many kids you went to college settled down in that small university town because they loved it so much? Well here, all those kids went to Harvard.

I had a conversation a few nights ago with a friend who is, in fact, a Harvard graduate, and another friend of ours who went to a small arts college. Both work at a high school in a wealthy neighborhood, but both started teaching in the Metco program. Essentially the grandchild of school busing programs, Metco brings economically disadvantaged students to this school system with all its money and resources. In the interest of giving the kids a sense of community, they have their own room to use as a study and designated as well as free time to spend there. Their awareness of their race and the place it gives them in their school makes them unique students, and has, in my opinion, rendered these two women unique teachers. In addition, one of them is half white and half Japanese. During the conversation they brought up a program they despised, designed by the school to help teachers with their racial and cultural sensitivity. The class involved "unpacking their knapsack of privilege." This was how I discovered neither of these extremely well-educated liberal women had ever read Peggy McIntosh's arguably definitive undergraduate manifesto on race and privilege in America, "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack."

As we discussed it, I re-read it for the first time in almost 7 years, and found that, older and more aware of the intersections in my identity, I found flaws in the rules McIntosh lays out for identifying white privilege; namely, that the rules completely ignore gender. For example: "4. I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed." This is not true, because I am a woman. I am extremely careful about when I shop and where I shop, concerned not simply about being harassed, but about being physically harmed. Or this, "15. I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group." While this is true of my race, it is NOT true of my sexual orientation; I have often been asked to speak as though my experiences were universally representative of the LGBTQ community. There were also numerous examples where something ceased to be true if everyone in the room knew I was Jewish. While I still feel the basic concepts presented in McIntosh's work are valuable and absolutely should not be disregarded, she writes from multiple points of unacknowledged privilege - she is an upper-middle-class, employed, well-educated woman - while focusing solely on the privilege of her racial status. I found upon re-reading that McIntosh's work seemed steeped in the kind of white liberal guilt that leads people to believe I am going to Rwanda to save Africa - or going to Rwanda so that Africa can save me.

How do we talk about race in an age that we want to be post-racial, in which post-racial dialogue is being hailed by the President himself as the way forward to unity in our nation? How does an experience we would have gladly had in Mexico, or Eastern Europe (and in fact, I hope we will someday have the opportunity to live, work and volunteer in these places and many more besides) change for us and the people we encounter when we take our race and a wretched history of colonization into account upon the evaluation? Should it or does it change our motives or our behavior?

We both went to public universities with much higher than average minority representation and followed that up by living in a city with a large African-American population and a rich and at times fraught racial history, and then took it upon ourselves to move into a neighborhood in which the white people are way outnumbered. One of us worked for a small company owned by a powerful African-American woman and staffed by an extremely diverse group of mostly women (to be touched on later!). As such, I think we can safely say that we have more experience with the very unusual phenomenon (in America) of UNDERrepresentations of whiteness. We have been clearly informed that this in no way prepares us for Africa, where our skin color will very much matter, particularly since we will be spending a lot of time outside Kigali, and may at times be among the only white people some Rwandans have ever seen.

Of course, our whiteness doesn't exist in a vacuum, and I'm looking forward to thinking about, writing about, and experiencing how our gender intersects with our race to shape our experience as we travel; Women, after all, are Why we are going.

Shippin' off....

I must say... the last few days have been pretty surreal. The assistants will be reunited in less than 7 days. Boxes have arrived at the 105 for packing and rolls of packing tape are piling up. The final days in DC are shaping up to be pretty amazing. We've scored 4 floor-side tickets to next Tuesday's Wizards game; an 80 minute Swedish massage on the Friday after Thanksgiving; A Florida Gators Snuggie; A pizza & wine night; too many lunches and dinners to count and nights full of reliving the "DC Glory Days." Our separation is becoming even more bittersweet as it draws closer and we come to terms with saying goodbye to some amazing friends, some sites of amazing memories and some of the most defining years of our lives.

We'll be doing a grand "Ode to DC" the day we officially pack up and leave the 105, but as we say goodbye there are some memories that stand out so crystal clear to me as truly amazing.

-The first time the Assistants realized they were destined to be besties. It was a night of DVD watching and wine at one of our apartments and we were almost done with the DVD before we realized that we had been talking the entire way through the movie. It was the first of many, many deep discussions to be held over quesadillas and liquor.

-Summer '08: The summer of wisdom teeth removal, The DNC, and a rooftop pool. We were crispy fried tanned from all-day pool side days on Saturdays, giddy with every Saturday night involving a bottle of tequila, margarita mix, and quesadillas. Every Sunday was spent with coffee and laptops poolside. It was also the scene of our first roadtrip together from DC - New Hampshire which involved me learning how to drive out of Manhattan and not end up in the Bronx (there was a lot of shouting and one of us may have shown a boob just to get over to the right lane). We both spent most of those months incessantly planning for The DNC, booking flights and hotels, and planning parties for people who had much more money than us and that we weren't going to be going to. We itinerized, we planned, we executed and we did most of it from a laptop on a roof by a pool.

-Election Season: We door knocked. We went out in the cold to GOTV. We collected pins to wear on puffer vests. and then - we celebrated. We danced in our offices, we talked on two phones at the same time, we popped bottles of champagne that were paid for by our employers and we danced in the streets with thousands of new best friends. Then, we did it all over again during the Inauguration - except that time, we brought one of our mothers along for the ride.

-Roadtrip | Summer '09: We centered our internal Thelma and Louise. We drove around, through and into most of the entire east side of the country. One of us got laid off in the middle of the trip. One of us was labeled "dangerous single girl" at a wedding reception. One of us drove for 14 hours straight (Indiana to New Jersey) and turned in to some sort of giddy/laughy/delusion version of herself - she was given a free mudslide in return. One of us was surprised by a visit from a boyfriend while the other was grilled about the tattoos on her back. We both enjoyed every blackberry-free minute of sun-filled vacation bliss.

"And So It Begins"

To be honest, there is no excuse for how long it has been since I've posted. Asst 1, bless her heart, has really stepped up to the plate. What happened, you see, is that I got tired, and overwhelmed. I moved home a few months earlier than planned, which has been amazing. It's been two years since I got to spend a really significant amount of time with my family, and my grandfather is living with us right now, which has been wonderful. Fall in New England is my favorite thing. Not my favorite time or season or place: it is my favorite thing. I love it so. I spent Halloween in Salem (yes, THE Salem), picked my own apples and pumpkins, and ate more things doused in cinnamon (including donuts) than I would ever admit to a nutritionist. I have been very happy.

At the same time, being away from the constant support of this dream that was offered by Asst 1 is hard. We gchat, but it's not the same as collapsing on the futon every night to bitch about our days. But every time I start to think I dreamed a little too big on this one, taking the trip of a lifetime while the economy is tanking and I'm trying to apply for grad schools, something has saved me. At the hardest points in working for this, when I've been staring at the numbers thinking, "No, it's just not going to happen, it's not going to work," something has, miraculously, in the words of the great Tim Gunn, MADE IT WORK. I have been cramming in hours at my temp job at a delightful local company that takes school pictures for about 400 schools in the area, you see, and my life has narrowed down to numbers. Everything, always, is about numbers. I can't say its about money, because I am extremely blessed in that I rarely consider money anymore. I'm not paying rent, nor do I buy my own groceries (and oh God, yes, I feel like I'm 13 again on many, many occasions). No, what I think about is numbers. Next week, I will have, say, 800. 400 needs to go towards my visit to Seattle. That leaves 400 for tickets... and so on. It's already gone before I've even earned it, so it's all just numbers!

But as I mentioned, by sheer grace of goodwill, those numbers are really starting to work. All of my immunizations are done except for yellowfever*. The program itself is completely paid for. I'm down to just flights and spending money, and damn it feels good. Next weekend I'm driving down to DC for The Epic Move, where Asst 1 and I, who can make a production out of anything, have a 3 day 6-ring circus planned. It involves the new Twilight movie. Don't judge. You know you love it too. After that I'm going to visit my best friend in Seattle, another city I've never been to and am extremely excited to see for the first time. Then the holidays, and my cousin is getting married on New Year's Eve. And then. um. we leave.

So I feel like it's going quick - GOOD THINGS ARE HAPPENING!!!

*side note: Asst 1 and I both decided to take PILLS to immunize ourselves against Typhoid. I had no idea this was an option, but instead of a shot that immunizes you against Typhoid for a year, you can take 4 pills, one every other day for 8 days, that will leave you immune to it for FIVE years. Isn't that wild? And yet, I was disappointed. I mean, these pills are LIVE TYPHOID CULTURES, for the love of God (apologies, living with my extremely Catholic, church-on-cable-watching Grampy has had a severe impact on my vocabulary, obviously), and they were... disappointing. Just little pink pills. I don't know - I guess I expected them to squirm or something. Since I am a giant procrastinator and painfully forgetful, I am only just now getting around to taking these this week, because my mother reminded me that we live in New England and could lose power at any moment, and if I got Typhoid all over her fridge she was gonna be pissed.

25 Years : A Reflection

So, over the last 14 days, both myself and Assistant 2 have celebrated entering our 25th year of life. Not only did we make sure it was a grand celebration, we both realized that we were living epically different lives, yet still maintaining the same path. I knew turning 25 would be a great chapter opening in my life, but I've started to realize a few things that will now continue happening on a more frequent basis. I suppose that now that I can rent a car w/o the epic extra fees, there are some things that are expected by society. So - I tried to make them into a simplified list, so that every one else turning 25 will have a bit of a 'chapter of contents' to expect in this new page - turner of an age!

The Proverbial Question:
I've never been shy about where I come from and that it is country through and through. I love being from the country - we keep things simple and we love to breathe easy. However, along with that are the lowpoints. These lowpoints have become much more realized now that I'm 25. For example, the proverbial question comes up much more often. The proverbial question for those of us from the country is: Are you married? Do you have kids yet?

YET?? YET?!?!?! I'm still grappling with the fact I'm not in college any more, let alone thinking about procreating! And then there's that whole finding someone to put up with for a significant period of time to take on the procreating.

Life (and Photos, Books, Clothes, etc) Piling Up:
I'm not a fan of clutter as many of my former roommates are very aware. I'd much prefer to have a drawer for the clutter than have clutter sitting out - that's just how I roll. But I'm coming to learn that I'm accumulating much more STUFF. More clothes that are not tshirts and jeans/sweatpants acculumating in my closet. More photo frames gathering on my walls, dressers and bedside table. More jewelery on my necklace holder.

Then there are the things that don't physically accumulate. Baggage from relationships, jobs and experience piles on on. Responsibilities from work, family and friends becomes deeper and sometimes (hopefully) more rewarding. Pressure piles on: Pressure to get on the right career track, pressure to commit to something (career, city, relationship, etc), and pressure to start achieving all those things you dreamed about when you said "When I grow up....." I just hope that after all this pressure, we get diamonds on our toenails or something!

Mac & Cheese and Wine:
So, as significant an age as 25 is - there are certain things that we DON'T have to do. There are things, pieces of our past, that we can continue to hold on. Things that we can still keep, but that won't impede our growth. Things that will keep us wondering, keep us young and keep us amazed by this life we have. We don't have to give up meals that consist of wine and a boxed meal. We don't have to waver in our beliefs anymore because if we've been believing them this long, we might as well keep on with them. We don't have to settle. We don't have to let go of our youthful vices like Sour Patch Kids, Teen Romance Novels, and cheesey reality tv (I think there's a clause in our birth certificates that say these things need to relinguished at age 40. There may be some sort of Congressional Investigation Committee to look in to this and change it to 45 - we are living longer you know.)

Slowing Down, Speeding Up & Holding Steady:
Slower: Time it takes to run a mile; metabolism; time to enjoy a good glass of wine (You can't chug after age 25, its just not classy); spending time with family; enjoying a good meal with good friends.

Speeding Up: Stress from job, relationships, spawn; a want for travel and adventure; frequent flier point accumulation; the search for perfection.

Holding Steady: Sense of humor; enjoyment of caffeinated beverages; realization that you'll never be 20 again, nor will you ever be 15 again.

Exercise Ball Chairs:
The older we get, the more time we spend in a chair. No more midafternoon PE classes and no more elective courses in the physical education department. Lots of the time from waking to getting home for dinner is spent sitting. So, I've decided that from now on, I'm substituting my office chair for an exercise chair. I'm hoping that a) this will keep away those bothersome lower back problems and b) will work on those pesky ab problems associated with sitting so much.

The First of Many:
.... drive rental cars/trucks without extra fees.
.... start eliminating toxic friends without feeling bad about it.
.... travel internationally alone and afford it and feel ok splurging.
.... feel free to spend money on a nice bottle of wine and apps instead of gorging at dinner.
.... finding peace in being single, or alone on a Saturday night, or eating out in a party of one.

Favorite Things

It's time once again for "Thing We're Looking Forward To!" We were lucky enough to have one of the past volunteers of our program send us some great photos that got us really excited!! check them out!

This photo is from the house and is looking into our village, the Remera District in Kigali. Towns everywhere look so much different than America - this is such a great view of what we'll be seeing everyday in Kigali!

Some past volunteers of the program in this photo. It's a cool look at the front of our guest house as well. It has such a cozy, collegiate feel to it right?! And their smiles are so exciting and so awesome... I can't wait to be in their shoes!

This is actually one of the bedrooms in the house we'll be staying in! Mosquito nets are definitely part of the awesome decor - how much does this remind you of your first bed at college?!?!

This is one of the past volunteers who did the teaching program and these are some of her adorable students. The smiles on their faces makes me glow deep down inside. I'm so excited to meet some of these amazing young people!

Interesting Article

In the Wall Street Journal today about young adults volunteering time in other countries. It was so amazing to read this girl's story because 1) she went to Kigali, Rwanda and 2) she was broke and making it work too! Some of my favorite highlights then the link for the story.

"she was working overtime until midnight most nights to pay for a volunteer trip to a Rwandan orphanage."

"'Working seven days a week is hard, but their smiles make up for my loss of sleep or brunches with friends.'"

A Helping Hand in Rwanda, Wall Street Journal 11.09.09

Reaching Out & Looking Up

It's been an awesome week for the assistants. I'll let my partner in crime expound on her exciting last seven days.

For the both of us however, we've had some excitement. My friend, actor, Isaiah Washington, put us in touch with an amazing woman named Floriane who has a organization in Rwanda. She's offered to meet up with before we leave, give us tips on the country, tell us more about it and even meet up with us when we've landed in Kigali! Her organization is doing some amazing things, building a village for displaced families and we're so excited to have such an amazing woman in our corner.

Second, we got in touch (Finally!!) with a past volunteer of our program. She did the teaching track in our program, but nonetheless, she had some great info about what our life will be like in Rwanda. She told us about our house, our village and some of the cool things we must do while we're there. She also put us in touch with someone who has done our exact track, Gender-Based Violence Prevention, and we just reached out to her a couple days ago.

Finally, a good friend of mine is living in South Africa until the end of next year and he and I are trying to get a little Kigali-Jo'burg visit straightened out. I've been dying to see Jo'burg since we started planning this trip and now, I have a friend there that I can meet up with for the obligatory siteseeing!!

Generally, things are coming together - exciting things at that. There's literally, only one more step. Okay - one more GIANT step - and a few (lots) little things and this is on our doorstep. We've got some flights to book and some moving to do, but, aside from that, we're on the downhill side of this trip and it is exciting. Just a few more weeks of shoestring budgets and discount shopping before booking the big flight. Then, we're basically good to go.

It's an amazing time right now and we're literally looking in to the bright light at the end of this tunnel, which will open into another HUGE tunnel of adventure. We hear there are abundent baboons in this tunnel. And elephants and hippos... this tunnel is probably the best thing ever. We love this tunnel.

Hallo-weekend!

Lots of fun things planned for the assistants in Boston and DC this weekend. Plans include debauchery, in costume... look forward to many updates to come. After this weekend it's officially November and three weeks until our official departure of self and property from DC. Good things are happenin'!!

take care to not consume too many candy corns this weekend!

xxoo

All My Ladies

Our program in Rwanda is centered around working with women and gender based violence prevention. To be honest when I (Asst 1) picked this as my preferred program it was a bit arbitrary. I didn't see myself in any of the teacher or medical programs. I must say though, my thoughts around this decision have changed quite significantly. A lot has happened in the interim to push that change along: my best friend decided to pursue a degree in women's studies, I started paying a lot more attention to women's issues, my new roommate was a women's studies major and we have some epic convos, I participated in a discussion about the "state of women in America," a friend launched a book "You've Come a Long Way, Maybe" about women's role in the 2008 election and, of course, the date for Africa was drawing ever close.

Last night I went to a book party for the release of "You've Come a Long Way, Maybe" and it was so inspiring to see these women together - no matter their political stripe - really examining what it means to be a woman in the public eye in the 21st Century. I was lucky enough to participate in an intimate "pre-discussion" that was turned in to this amazing video. After talking to a friend, we decided that our goal for the book was to see that it could prove a Republican could be a feminist at the same time!

Don't get me wrong - I think conversation and dialogue is truly the only way to solve problems, and some of my very best friends are staunch conservatives. They make my arguments better and stronger and therefore we have an even better conversation. But, the fundamental difference I've continued to find is that many of my conservative counterparts believe that our country is an even playing field and that everyone here has an equal opportunity to pursue their dreams. Maybe they should check out my college student loan account before they believe that to their core!

However, this gives me hope, that conservatives have begun to realize that the level playing field they've imagined all these years doesn't truly exist. If it has to start with realizing that women and men don't exist on a level playing field I'm okay with that because I think it will lead them to realize that the level playing field doesn't exist anywhere. It doesn't exist in healthcare, in education access or in pursuit of happiness. Sure, we live in a democracy - an awesome one, but not the best. I do believe that a democracy is the best system in the world, but it assumes that all have a level playing field of choice. I think in America, we've turned in to the democracy that demands that you purchase choice - and that, is the truly sad fact.

Stand Up Beautiful Lady

This email is from charity:water. It touched me and I wanted to share. It gets to the core of why I'm (Asst 1) going to Rwanda - to make someone, anyone, feel better than they did before.

________________________________________

Will the beautiful women of the world please stand up.

Driving down a bumpy road in the middle of Northern Uganda, we were kicking up dust as we headed into the rural countryside. I was traveling with teams from two other non-profit organizations to evaluate the work of our shared local partner, Joy Drilling, who was drilling wells and training communities in sanitation and hygiene. Before piling in, I made a last minute decision to jump into the truck's flatbed. The Ugandan drilling crew looked stunned that I'd do such a thing, but I didn't care. I was happy to suffer a little dust for the view.


From my vantage point in the truck, I watch women gather up their children and move to the edge of the road to let us pass. Their feet are gnarled and calloused: a result of thousands of miles walked barefoot over rocks and mud. With babies strapped to their backs, their brightly colored skirts sway and their knees quiver and brace under the weight of water and children. Most balance pails on their heads, while some grip 80 pounds of water with sweaty palms, a bright yellow 5-gallon Jerry Can in each hand.

I'm in awe of how they manage. But of course, they have no choice. The average woman in Africa walks three miles every day for water. Often, it's water from putrid rivers or disease-infested swamps. Worldwide, women are more than twice as likely as men to collect drinking water.

Without warning, our truck suddenly swerves off the road and up over an embankment. Dried corn stalks thump against the side of the truck as we plow through a field. My knuckles are white as I try to hold on and not bounce out.

Moments later, we find ourselves in a clearing and in the middle of a huge celebration. Esther, our photographer, pokes her head out the window, smiles, and yells back at me, "Looks like our mission's been compromised!" I usually prefer to surprise communities by our arrival because it makes it easier to monitor how our water points are functioning without hundreds of people watching. But once you visit a few communities in the neighborhood, rumors of your presence spread like wildfire.

We jump out of the truck and walk into a party. The women meet us with exuberant cheering and dancing. Pure and loud joy rocks the village.

* * *

This is when I met Helen Apio. While most women hung back politely, Helen jumped toward me and screamed two inches from my face. Technically, it was singing. But the high-pitched shrieking was so loud and reverberated with such energy and emotion, I knew I had to talk with her.

She told me about the new freshwater well in her village.

"I am happy now," Helen beamed. "I have time to eat, my children can go to school. And I can even work in my garden, take a shower and then come back for more water if I want! I am bathing so well."

A few of the men chuckled to hear a woman talk about bathing. But all I noticed was Helen's glowing face, the fresh flowers in her hair, and the lovely green dress she wore for special occasions. Touching her forearm, I replied, "Well, you look great."

"Yes," she paused. Placing both hands on my shoulders and smiling, she said, "Now, I am beautiful."

That really hit me.

My job is to focus on sustainable development, health, hygiene and sanitation; to make sure charity: water's projects are working in 20 years. But nowhere on any of my surveys or evaluations was a place to write, "Today we made someone feel beautiful."

How Helen became beautiful is the real story.

Before she had clean water, she would wake up before dawn, take her only two 5-gallon Jerry Cans, and walk almost a mile and a half to the nearest water point, which happened to be at a school. Because there simply wasn't enough water for the area's population, she'd wait in line with hundreds of other women who also valued clean water. Helen's only other option was to skip the wait and collect contaminated water from a pond.

Helen spent most of her day walking and waiting. She told me each day she'd say to herself, "How should I use this water today? Should I water my garden so we can grow food? Should I wash my children's uniforms? Should I use it to cook a meal? Should we drink this water?" With two children, one husband and 10 gallons, Helen had to make choices.

I saw the shame in her eyes when she described how she would return from her long trek to find her two young children waiting for her. They were often sent home from school because their uniforms were dirty. Helen just never had enough water.

I saw now why she was so eager to scream out her joy and gratitude. She wanted me to understand that this gift from charity: water was real. With the new well in her village, her life was transformed. She now had choices. Free time. Options. Also, Helen has been chosen to be the Water Committee Treasurer, collecting nominal fees from 51 households to use for the maintenance of their well. Water Committees are often the first time women are ever elected to leadership positions in villages.

Last month, Helen was standing in line waiting for water.
This month, she's standing up for her community. And now, she is beautiful.

- Becky Straw
photos by: Esther Havens [http://www.charitywater.org/projects/fromthefield/uganda.php]

New Friends!

So this morning we got a note from our contact in the New Zealand offices of GVN giving us the names of two previous Rwanda volunteers. Funny enough - one of them goes to school at one of the assistant's alma maters!! We sent them an email this morning and cannot wait to hear back from them about their experiences and advice for Rwanda.

In other news, the word is slowly leaking through my (Asst 1) firm about my departure at the end of November. The reactions from people have truly surprised and amazed me. I knew this was my workplace and my home here in DC - but people have been so happy and excited for me and sad to see me go. Truly - two people have gotten teary. I guess I just wasn't expecting that. I'm not really the type of person that needs confirmation on people's feelings about me or to validate what I'm doing - but this just makes me so excited! That may sound funny, but let me explain. It makes me feel excited that people will be watching what I'm doing in Africa. They'll be watching as I blog and write and email about the situation there and hopefully, they'll care enough about me to turn that observing into action. My hope is that they'll be attuned to a whole new life situation and will go on the journey with me.

I suppose that's partially what this blog is about. We want our friends and family to have access to us - being thousands of miles away and all - but we also want them to experience what we're doing in Rwanda and the people whose lives we're touching. Hopefully, we'll inspire others to action or to pursue more information about a situation that inspires them. Hopefully, our action to 'live out loud' will inspire others to do the same... in whatever way they want to.

Puttin' a Ring On It

Alright - officially, I (Asst 1) have let my firm know I'm leaving. No turning back now!!!

I'm so excited - our Chief of Staff was phenomenal and was so happy for me. I'm so lucky that I work somewhere that values what I want and not how much money I make them. The next four weeks are going to be crazy transitioning out of this company that has been more than my job for almost two and a half years, it's been my home and my away-from-home family. We were dysfunctional at times and sometimes we fought, but these people were my family in D.C. They were there for me through some very challenging times and brought me to a new level of my professional life. I'm am truly thankful for everyone I have met and worked with through the opportunities I've had at this company.

But now, it's time to slam this book shut and wildly open the next one. I can't wait!!

Travelin'

So we just got word today from our on-site contact, Justus, that we were cleared to fly in to Uganda on January 13 and that they would pick us up from the bus staging area in Kigali on the 14th. This is super good news for us because we were a bit weary they would not be able to arrange a pick up for us if we did not fly directly into Kigali - but they were more than happy to arrange pick up there. This is clearly exciting since we''ll be saving a little bundle on flights without having to fly in to Kigali.

So, currently, the flight plans (for Asst 1) are to fly out of Chicago on January 11th or 10th, layover in Amsterdam, then fly in to Uganda - landing on the 12th or 13th. If we land on the 12th we'll get to stay over in Entebbe for the night then jump on a bus the morning of the 14th. If we land on the 13th, we'll basically go straight from the airport to the bus stop. Apparently the buses leave at 4am from the bus stop and are first come first serve. So, we'll probably have to be getting there first!

shots pas deux

So - Thursday was the big shot day and boy do I have a recap. First of all, I had some awesome doctor doing the shots and she gave me a great debrief on Rwanda, what to expect and things to do on the ground. My two favorite pieces of advice were:

"What are the rules of eating food in Africa? Cook it. Peel it. or Forget it."

"Wear flipflops in the shower." 'Like in the dorms?' "No dear. Like if you don't wear them you may get parasites in your feet and they may fall off." '............got it. flipflops.'

So, after all that my doc went to go get my yellowfever shot, hep a shot and meningitis shot and the oral Typhoid pill. While she was getting the various diseases together in shot form, I pulled out my purse to turn my phone off and realized, I didn't have my wallet with me. I figured that since I couldnt give the yellowfever back, I better tell them to wait so I could run home, grab my wallet and come back. [Have I mentioned to this point that it is cold and rainy and the doctor is a 40 minute train ride from my house?]

The wonderfully gracious receptionist says that I can go ahead, get all my shots and meds and call in my credit card number when I got home. Perfect! I was pretty excited that I had found such awesome people to shoot me up with all these diseases!

Doc put me up on the table and I literally didn't feel a thing. 90 seconds later, I had three shots and 4 pills to take for typhoid vaccination. I ran to the train and headed back to the city to run to my apartment and grab my wallet, to make sure I could get to a 12:30pm meeting. [Remember the rain & forty degrees weather please.]

I get a few blocks from my house and go to pull out my keys because not only am I cold and wet I have to use the restroom. Then I realize, that I don't have any keys. None. No Keys. I also need to throw in here that the typhoid medicine I currently have in my purse needs to get in the refrigerator. I typically dont mind bending the rules a bit - but taking spoiled typhoid, didn't seem to be a rule I was wanting to mess with. So I call my roommate, she's at work. Other roommate, at work. So I decide that since I need to use the restroom, I better go get on a train and get to the restaurant that I have a lunch meeting at.

I get to the restaurant, sit down and my waitress comes. I decide that I really need to not have spoiled tyhpoid so I pleasantly ask our waitress to please put my typhoid in the refrigerator in the kitchen. While at lunch I get a text from my roommate letting me know that he can meet me with his keys so I can get in to the apartment.

I finish my amazing turkey burger at lunch and head over to my roommate's office building. Grab the keys, get on the bus and get to my apartment. Throw the tyhpoid in the refrigerator and pass out on the futon.

It was an amazing day for getting shot up with diseases.

SHOTS!

no, not the good ones. Tomorrow is shot day here in the nation's capitol and Asst 1 is about to get shot up with all sorts of fun bacteria (good thing she has unlimited sick days!). First thing tomorrow morning, I'll be hopping on the train and going to the travel medicine clinic. As far as I know, I'll be getting the Hep A/B series (part 1 of 2), Yellowfever and Typhoid tomorrow. I may throw some polio in for good measure this round, or possibly wait until the next round in November.

I'm basically, just hoping that my arm doesn't fall off. I have been adequately warned by my fellow Assistant, that her round of shots that were last week made her arm feel like it was being stabbed by gnomes.

Will be sure to report back tomorrow on the status of aforementioned shots... in the meantime I'll pretend to enjoy this weird rainy/cloudy/cold shenanigan weather.

Substitute Teacher's Licence

Asst 1 is HOOKED UP!

Yesterday I officially got my Indiana Substitute Teacher's License. I'm pretty stoked about this experience once I get home to Indiana.

I'm wondering what the education system in Indiana looks like now that I'm coming back after 6 years, I actually wonder what K-12 education looks like in general. I think I'm looking at it through different eyes now. It's going to be really fascinating going from a huge liberal city by way of a fairly liberal college experience back to teaching in the Bible belt of the Midwest. However, I think it will be valuable as I'm going to a country that may put our definition of "conservative" to shame.

I've been really lucky to live somewhere that has be hyper plugged in to everything going on politically and in the media. As in LA where everyone is plugged in to Hollywood or NYC with fashion, DC is where it is for the political arena. I hope that, even though I'm only in Indiana for a short time, that I can really impart some knowledge to the kids I'll be working with. I don't want to influence anyone's opinion or change any minds - I would just like to spread the knowledge about life, the world outside the Hoosier bubble and how many cool and exciting things exist out there.

moving trucks, shots, budgets, shenanigans

Guys - it's crazy out there, but the assistants have accomplished some major coups over the last couple weeks.

Asst 1:
-Scheduled Hep A/Hep B Series Shot #1 (of 2)
-Scheduled Typhoid/Yellow Fever Shots
-Reserved moving truck for post-Thanksgiving move back to Indiana
-PAID FULL PROGRAM FEE!!!!
-Secured Indiana State Substitute Teacher License (will need something to do those 8 weeks at home)
-Got some train prices for trains to Chicago to go visit best friend I haven't seen in years [Vera ;-)]
-Got all sorts of information on national parks and fun things to do in Rwanda

Asst 2:
-Secured full-time employ in Boston
-Secured full-time employ that is really fun!
-Secured new gym membership - very important for girls planning a trans-continental trip on a shoestring budget
-Made appointments for shots
-Secure health insurance, on her own, not even through her employer- discovered the intimate details of how bad our healthcare system is without a public option

Asst 1 & 2 Combined Efforts of greatness:
-Planned end-of-November moving efforts
-Been able to stay in touch enough to make sure neither of us lose our sanity, our current employs or our peace of mind about the trip. Do you know how hard this is to do from two different cities for two girls who work as much as we do??

shippin' off to booosssstttttooonnn

Today I made my appt for my Hep A/Hep B shot series, it was super exciting, frightening and anxiety-creating, all at the same time! I'm a little nervous about how much it will hurt, eek! but I think I'll be okay. I get one in October and one in November, right before I move home. Then once I'm back home I'll get some other shots (rabies, yellow fever, etc) and then the ever-so-appealing malaria meds. i hear i may get some crazy dreams from those - BRING.IT.ON. i say to that!

other than that, I'm super excited to go home tonight, finish packing and head out for five days in Boston. When I get back, 5 days later I will have finalized the entire program costs!!!! then its on to pushing through and getting the flights paid for and we're there!

its really crazy how far we've come, how far we still have to go, and how close this trip actually is!!

Change Gonna Come

Well - it has been an interesting few months since our last updates. Let me see if I can recap.

-Asst 2 was laid off
-Asst 2 moved home
-Asst 1 has a new client at work that is draining all her time
-Asst 1 has two new roommates (saving money YAY!)

so - now the Manolo Assistants are separated, but not out of each other's minds and certainly continuing down the path to Rwanda. Here are some things we've accomplished.

-figured out exactly which shots we each must have before leaving for Kigali
-figured out the move-out protocol, what with the friends to help move stuff, moving trucks and dates (wknd after Thanksgiving if you're interested!)
-figured out which flights are possibilities with one of us flying out of Chicago, and the other flying out of Boston (We'll probably meet in Amsterdam and then stay one night in Kampala, Uganda before heading down to Kigali)
-Asst 1 has secured a limited criminal history because she needs it to a: substitute teach in Indiana during the 6 weeks she's home and b: she has to fax one to her friends in Rwanda - true!
-Asst 2 has a fully compiled binder of things she has to do, purchase and coordinate before leaving. this she will try to do whilst co-habitating with her padres =)

in closing, we've had some epic, EPIC changes the last month or so - so we apologize for the lack of updates but as you can see we have had a crazy time!!!

Asst 1 is jetting off to Beantown for an extended weekend vacay to see her recently dearly departed roommate. expect more frequent updates as the days approach QUICKLY to leaving DC and embarking on this glorious adventure!!

in the meantime, check out the hotel we're considering staying in for our overnight in Uganda -it's 5 star and recommended by Conde Nast. http://www.eminpasha.com/hotel/rates.asp yes, please to be noting that is $145 a person for one night in a garden room... amazing.