...Rules to Live By in 2010...

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resolution:: [rez-uh-loo-shuhn] the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.
rule:: [rul] a principle or regulation governing conduct, action, procedure, arrangement, etc.
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As I often do, I'm going to buck tradition this new year's eve and instead of making resolutions, I'm going to make rules. Rules to live by for 2010. I'm reading this interesting book by David Kessler, MD about our brains and how we can change our behaviors. Basically, Kessler says we can change our behavior through creating 'rules' for our brain. The longer we act by these rules (ie: I will not snack after 7pm) the more engrained they become in our behavior and become locked in the executive function of our brain. After a while, our brain just turns these 'rules' into normative behavior.

Whereas resolutions can become more of just anthems we live by instead of things that actually change our behavior. Or, they just become a check-list of things we do instead of helping us grow through them.

1. Let my mind see the sentence before my tongue says it.:: I often find myself saying the first thing that comes to mind and sometimes it would have came out so much better if I would have thought about it for a minute. It also opens the floodgates to be quick to anger or defensiveness.

2. Say yes (a bit) more.:: One of my defining characteristics is that I say "No." I say no when I don't feel like doing something that doesn't directly benefit my happiness. I try not to say no when I know saying yes would make someone else really happy - but I think I need to do more of it. Say yes to travel, yes to risk, yes to new cities and yes to new people and friends. Perhaps not yes to a new credit card.

3. Explore more kinds of music.:: In the few short weeks I've been home my sister has basically let me raid her iTunes playlists and I've discovered so many awesome new artists and albums. It was so nice to send out mix tapes for Christmas presents that had songs on them I knew my friends hadn't heard before or hadn't been played on the radio. I'd like to discover even more music!

4. Live Louder.:: Needless to say, spending the first three months of the year in Africa is most certainly the 'loudest' I've ever lived - but I want to make sure I take the attitude of searching out a higher meaning to my days carries through even when I'm back. I want to spend more time finding a job and making sure I'm living somewhere and doing something that makes me feel fulfilled not just fill my days. I want to be open to living anywhere. I want to be open to love. I want to be more open in general to all the things going on around me. I want to live out loud instead of in hi-fi.

5. Learn to cook a full chicken.:: I just think this is something I want to learn to do. In 2009 I mastered fried plantains, so I need a new food to master in 2010. If only for the fact that I know tons of things to do with shredded chicken, I just don't know how to do the part before the shredding. AND a good friend made me a roast chicken once that kind of changed my life.

6. Learn to can something - preferably pickles (the bread and butter flavor ones).:: Mostly as an homage to my country-livin' family, but secondly because it is an awesome way to (cheaply) make really awesome holiday baskets!

7. Embrace European attitudes towards food and wine (ie: lots of good wine and great meals).:: I need to expand my wine pallette and I also want to let go of the American attitude towards food which is: insatiable and constant appetites. I want to focus on a few really awesome meals each day that fill me up but don't put me into a coma. I want to explore more tea and coffee options. I want to make food an accessory to the outfit of life - not a pantsuit.

2 Stories For the Ladies with 2 Days Left in 2009

Being as the Manolos are both women - anytime we see inspiring stories about women we feel compelled to share.

First is a story about the most admired women in the country. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham-Clinton held on to her number 1 spot on the list. You didn't need to be living under a rock to know that Clinton has faced her share of sexist media punching in the last year, so it's good to see that people still hold her in the highest regards. These lists to me often reflect the aspirations of the people they poll and it feels like a triumph that people aspire to see more women like Hillary Clinton in positions of leadership. It gives me hope that the ultimate glass ceiling may actually have the potential of being cracked if we continue to view smart, well-spoken, driven women as our most admired.

The second story is about women in the workplace. Titled 'We Did It!' Economist features a profile on the status of women in the workplace and the fact that in the very near future, women will cross the 50% mark and make up the majority of the workplace. The story is hopeful and shows that in a time of financial strife and corporate collapse - there may be a glimmer of hope: women. Although women face more challenges than men in the workplace (less pay, family responsibilities, etc) we have come a long way from the Mad Men era. The story does a great job describing the challenges and benefits of a majority-women workforce but there is one thing I don't see present in the story. Something the Manolos experienced first-hand; a trend that we hoped was isolated but that we fear was not - the lack of the "Good 'Ol Girl" network.

Over two years working at various corporations with varying and diverse co-workers both of us experienced or heard stories of some of the most intense criticism and harsh treatment from female counterparts. We saw a 'woman eat woman' world where competition was standard and brutal. We saw young women come through the doors of our companies to only face harrassment by upper management men. We saw women opt to make a fresh-off-the-college-boat girls into blackberry toting assistants running personal lives instead of pushing them into challenging roles of managing accounts and supervising interns. We saw jaded, cynical attitudes directed at the wide-eyed young women entering the workplace.

Needless to say, we were surprised, but we persisted on. We saw hopeful networks of women who wanted to lift each other up and develop the careers of younger women. We saw the guiding hand of some of our women mentors reach out and lift us up; challenging us but leaving the demoralization at the door. We heard stories of the 'old days' while looking forward to a future of women who owned the societal networks just like men do now.

We are hopeful. We are hopeful that enough young women have experienced negative relationships with older 'chip-on-their-shoulder' women, that they will put in extra time to developing relationships with and mentor younger women. We hope that we will be able to help younger women get a pedicured toenail in the door to start working towards the career of their dreams. We hope that if we ever get to the level that we need an assistant we will make them feel like a valued team member and set them on the path of world-domination one blackberry message at a time. So, closing out the year on a hopeful note is something we couldn't be more happy to do.

In the words of good friend and author, Leslie Sanchez, "We've Come a Long Way, Maybe."

Percolator! (the coffee pot, not the dance)

"A cup of coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent."

There truly is nothing the assistants love more than coffee. Okay - well - GOOD coffee. One thing we've been particularly excited about is the locally grown Rwandan coffee we'll have access to for three glorious months. Coffee is quickly becoming one of Rwandas most accalimed exports - even garnering the support of the Clinton Foundation in their Hunter Development Program.

Today we stumbled upon another fanastic program centered on sustainable growth of Rwanda's rich coffee bean resources through USAID. The SPREAD Project (Sustaining Partnerships to Enhance Rural Enterprise and Agribusiness Development) is the USAID Agribusiness Project partnered directly with Rwanda. http://www.spreadproject.org/rwanda_exports.php

First, for all our friends, here is a list of locations (Murky's Coffee in Arlington, VA & DC; Intelligentsia in Chicago & LA; and select Starbucks to name a few!) carry beans from this project.

We can't wait to share with you the first cup of Rwandan coffee... the assistants are already scheming things that don't need to be packed just to make room for the coffee we plan on bringing back!

Just Do It

"...you got tuh go there tuh know there. "
-Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston

I enjoy watching people's reactions when we tell them we're going to Rwanda. Some, realize the genocide was 15 years ago and go - Wow, what is that country like now? Others, quickly think of Don Cheadle and say - Is it safe there - are people going around the streets with machetes?! Of course, we acknowledge and are preparing for our own personal safety, but until we hit the ground and start living in Rwanda - we won't be able to talk about what it's like. We'd be remiss to consider ourselves experts on the country after mere travel blog reading and research.
As we grow ever closer to our departure date I've begun thinking less about our role in Rwanda and all we'll be doing - and more about Rwanda, the country.

I've been wondering what makes the people of Rwanda tick. What do they get excited about and what do they think of America. What do they listen to on the radio? What do their libraries look like - and are they filled with African writers or all kinds of writers? I wonder about how long the sun stays out and if people are outside a lot when they're not working. I wonder if it's a walking culture or a driving/car culture. I wonder if they buy all their groceries at the beginning of the week or if they go each night. I've wondered if they make guacamole. I've thought about what times they eat meals - are they early risers and late dinner eaters?

So, I've thought a lot about the quote at the beginning of this entry because until you can talk about a country or its people - you have to go there. You have to immerse yourself in it and then you MUST talk about it. So many times we learn about other countries and other cultures through Wikipedia and Google. One of the main goals of the Manolos blog is to tell our friends and families as much as we can about this country that many of them won't experience besides through us and the stories we tell. I haven't had many close friends travel so far from home for such a long period of time, so I'm so excited to be giving my first-hand account to everyone I care about.

I've so been trying to not only, soak in new experiences (loading wood from the back of a truck into the basement; getting a pick-up unstuck from mud; driving in snow/ice again) but appreciate them and hold them close. I'm working to train my brain to savor each moment and each new experience. I'm trying to look not through a rose colored lens, but through a little less cynical lens. I want not only my planning and my physical self ready for the trip - but I want my mental self totally open and appreciative of each experience. Because everything from waking up to working to chatting will be completely different there. Much like my morning coffee in DC was rushed and sometimes violently pursued, coffee in the morning in Indiana is (much like Indiana) never rushed and always sipped instead of gulped down in a caffeine induced frenzy.

Still Need Stars When You're Wishing at Night

You know how certain memories stay with you, the sense of them so disctinct that it can bring you back to a moment in time as though you're still right there? I can remember 4th of July, 1995, with absolute clarity. The year I was 9. I was running along the beach with my friends, waiting for the fireworks to start, and I looked up suddenly and found myself so stunned by the night sky I got dizzy and fell down. I wasn't sure what was different; it certainly wasn't the first time I'd star-gazed. I just knew that the stars suddenly looked like they were right on top of me, close enough to touch, and a clear night in New Hampshire can still bring me back to that exact moment. To this day the first thing I do when I get out of the car up there is look straight up, just to have that feeling again, that the sky and all its mysteries are endless and very, very close.

I've seen the sky over Massachusetts in every mood and every season. I navigate by it; it brings me home. I measure the weather and the coming storms against its colors. I crave it when I'm so unfortunate as to be far away for too long. I learned later that it looks different from the NH sky because NH was and remains largely uninhabited and entirely devoid of major cities (have you ever seen Concord? neither has anyone else). When I went to Mexico I was shocked - it wasn't that the sky seemed closer, just that it was so full, and it went on forever. You could see stars behind stars behind stars, and it continued in every direction for, as near as I could tell, eternity.

In Washington, D.C. you rarely see the stars at all. But it does make for some very cool moons, larger than they should be, entirely alone in the night sky.

So what are the stars going to look like in a city that more often than not doesn't have electricity in most buildings, on a continent that mostly lacks for artificial light? What constellations can you see there during the winter rainy season? I try to follow Orion when I can. Not only is it a widely referenced romantic notion in many of my favorite works of literature, but aside from the Big Dipper and, obviously, the Scorpion, its one of the few constellations I can accurately identify in a pinch.

...Life In Motion...

"To live is to be marked. To live is to change, to acquire the words of a story, and that is the only celebration we mortals really know. In perfect stillness, frankly, I've only found sorrow."

- The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver

I've always tried to live by the motto 'live out loud.' The past few years, that vision has been a bit clouded by things like career, drama, a city that feeds on all your baggage and a lifestyle of endless workweeks with nonstop blackberry attention. The Assistants have been fighting to wrap our heads around what exactly we want to gain from this adventure we're departing on in a few short weeks. Lately, even as the stress piles up on having enough money for clean water and everything else on our checklist, it's becoming more and more clear why we chose to do this: to live, to expand our thinking and to take the chance of letting ourselves not have a plan.

Here's the thing about the Assistants: we're planners. We plan everything. We plan down to the minute and we itinerize and we make tabbed folders and binders. We've been living life through a very planned and precise lense - and it was fine because it was our job - but that lense got real heavy, real quick. Now that we've been able to detach from that type of lifestyle, we've been able to say - forget the posty notes, forget the agendas and let's just live each day as it comes. Even if this comes mainly from the fact that we're both way too broke to plan anything on any sort of financial stability - we still have started to fathom what it will actually be like to wake up in the morning and not feel the world crashing down around us in the form of checklists, to-dos and planning.

Speaking of living - today I helped my brother (who is a corn-fed, tall, strong ass farmboy) get our farm truck unstuck from the mud. For some reason, I felt high I was so excited I could help him. I was raised in town, so trust that I have zero experience in 'farm living' so I walked outside in a pair of crocs (Gasp! - I know) got beside my brother and helped him shove the truck out - okay, full disclosure, I pushed a couple times, then he made me get in the cab and hit the gas while he pushed. I felt like I was touching a different kind of lifestyle and I didn't feel an ounce of resentment towards it or an ounce of 'this is below me' attitude.

I've been feeling that I'm moving closer everday to being more of the person I want to be in my life and less of the person I have to be to survive. It's also becoming more clear that if these minor experiences are opening me up in ways I couldn't have imagined - Rwanda has many surprises in store for me, my psyche and my life. I'm starting to let go of the fear that those surprises will be something I'll regret and closing in on the idea that these surprises are going to change my life in amazing ways.

When It Comes to the Rainbow

An interesting (or, you know, terrifying) question of human rights has been raised recently that brings a new dimension to our travels abroad. Our flight will land in Uganda, and we will take an 8 hour bus ride down to Kigali. Uganda faces a number of challenges right now, including constant plots to overthrow the government and the kidnapping, training and amassing of "child soldiers" along the Northern Border (we will be ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THERE, in case you're wondering). But everything's relative, and these problems combined with an otherwise stable government and not completely tanked economy make Uganda a fairly normal country in Africa. It is also a largely Christian nation (although as with most of the continent there is a significant Muslim population) and as a result, Western Christian leaders - particularly American Christian leaders - have sought to have an influence there. In the U.S., despite the recent success of the Catholic Bishops in pushing anti-reproductive rights legislation through Congress, we have at least a nominal separation of church and state, but Christian leaders are not hampered by such restrictions in most African countries. They have managed to make the political ENORMOUSLY personal. As a direct result of Western interference, a new bill will be voted on shortly in Uganda. A Times article explains its consequences better than I can:

"I am the gay doctor," the physician whispered to me, making sure nobody
around heard. He talked about the gay and lesbian couples who go to his office
to avoid ridicule in public hospitals. "They know they can trust me, and trust
is a big issue," he said. "There is the stigma of being gay, but also the stigma
of being [HIV] positive. They are such hidden communities. Nobody wants to deal
with their problems."
In a matter of weeks, the Ugandan doctor's admission
to TIME could land him in jail and his patients on death row. An
anti-homosexuality bill now before Uganda's Parliament would include some of the
harshest anti-gay regulations in the world. If the bill becomes law, the doctor,
who asked that his name not be published, could be prosecuted for "aiding and
abetting homosexuality." In one version of the bill, his sexually active
HIV-positive patients could be found guilty of practicing acts of "aggravated
homosexuality," a capital crime, according to the bill.
Thanks to a clause in the would-be law that punishes "failure to disclose
the offense," anybody who heard the doctor's conversation could be locked up for
failing to turn him in to the police. Even a reporter scribbling the doctor's
words could be found to have "promoted homosexuality," an act punishable by five
to seven years in prison. And were any of the Ugandans in the park to sleep with
someone of the same sex in another country, the law would mandate their
extradition to Uganda for prosecution. Only terrorists and traitors are
currently subject to extraterritorial jurisdiction under Ugandan law. Even murderers don't face that kind of judicial
reach.
(Update: Reports out of Kampala late Wednesday indicated that
the death penalty may be dropped from the final version of the bill, which may
come to a vote as early as two weeks from now.)

A lot of Ugandans don't think much of the bill either:

If Uganda's anti-homosexuality bill becomes law, it will be little short of state-sponsored "genocide" against the gay community, a prominent member of the Ugandan Anglican church said this week.
Canon Gideon Byamugisha said the bill, which recommends the death
penalty for anyone repeatedly convicted of having gay sex and prison sentences
for those who fail to report homosexual activity to the police, would breed
violence and intolerance through all levels of society.
"I believe that this bill [if passed into law] will be state-legislated genocide against a specific community of Ugandans, however few they may be," he said.

As for the evangelical leaders whose misinformation, falsehoods, misrepresentations and outright lies lead to the bill, they're rapidly back-tracking, finally condemning the bill after weeks of being hammered in the media. Here's a phenomenal Rachel Maddow interview with one lying scumbag whose book - and the lies it contains - are directly quoted in the bill as evidence for why harsh measures against gay men and women, including DEATH, are necessary to protect society: http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/heather/rachel-maddow-takes-cure-gays-author-richa#comment-1380818

All in all, it puts a different spin on the struggle of being a first-world resident in a developing nation. Rserving judgment is clearly important. You don't want to be the American who goes to Italy and complains that you can't get a Big Mac, and you sure as s#@! don't want to be the American who goes to AFRICA and passes judgment on their development. The whole point is to learn, to take an experience away and hopefully give something back while you're there. Here we have an instance where Western leaders were clearly manipulating an African goverment for their own bizarre gains; it's sad, it's appalling and it's terrifying. But where does that leave the question of judgment? Is it enough to say Westerners should never have interfered? What kind of agency does that give Uganda? If this happened in Ireland, no matter who influenced it, I would hold Ireland accountable for what it was doing to its people. Does Uganda deserve the same treatment?