The Two Big Ws

When we explain that we are going to Africa, much like the Ws of writing you learned in grade school (who what when etc) two big Ws arise, as politely as possible, in conversation: "Why" and "White". Several combinations can occur, the most obvious being, "Why are two white girls going to Africa?". Sometimes there's the approving exclamation: "Why, how wonderful that two white girls want to go to Africa!" Sometimes we get the encouraging "You won't even begin to understand yourself until you've been a white girl in Africa!" Both of these basic sentiments, to me, sum up the real problem when we explain our trip: the notion that we are going to save Africa, or Africa is going to save us. Neither of these statements is true, and each one is damaging in its own right. We are going to Africa for the opportunity not only to travel somewhere we've never been, meet people we've never met, and have experiences we've barely dreamed of in a country and on a continent completely unlike our own, with an utterly different history and development and languages, but also to really immerse ourselves in life there. We wanted to make a point of going for three months to give ourselves the opportunity to do more than sight-see, and we wanted to work with this gender-based violence prevention program in order to learn as much as we can about the women who live in Rwanda and their experiences (women, their experiences and their needs are getting their own equally long-winded blog post, trust - we are drafting as we speak). We certainly hope to touch lives and have ours touched, but in all fairness, we are people who hope for that depth and richness in EVERY experience, from our jobs to a night out. In this case, we hope to be giving ourselves opportunity, circumstance and time for an experience even more out of the ordinary, and even more complex and layered.

I have been thinking about this particularly since returning to a small, extremely liberal, almost paralyzingly well-educated state. Remember how so many kids you went to college settled down in that small university town because they loved it so much? Well here, all those kids went to Harvard.

I had a conversation a few nights ago with a friend who is, in fact, a Harvard graduate, and another friend of ours who went to a small arts college. Both work at a high school in a wealthy neighborhood, but both started teaching in the Metco program. Essentially the grandchild of school busing programs, Metco brings economically disadvantaged students to this school system with all its money and resources. In the interest of giving the kids a sense of community, they have their own room to use as a study and designated as well as free time to spend there. Their awareness of their race and the place it gives them in their school makes them unique students, and has, in my opinion, rendered these two women unique teachers. In addition, one of them is half white and half Japanese. During the conversation they brought up a program they despised, designed by the school to help teachers with their racial and cultural sensitivity. The class involved "unpacking their knapsack of privilege." This was how I discovered neither of these extremely well-educated liberal women had ever read Peggy McIntosh's arguably definitive undergraduate manifesto on race and privilege in America, "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack."

As we discussed it, I re-read it for the first time in almost 7 years, and found that, older and more aware of the intersections in my identity, I found flaws in the rules McIntosh lays out for identifying white privilege; namely, that the rules completely ignore gender. For example: "4. I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed." This is not true, because I am a woman. I am extremely careful about when I shop and where I shop, concerned not simply about being harassed, but about being physically harmed. Or this, "15. I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group." While this is true of my race, it is NOT true of my sexual orientation; I have often been asked to speak as though my experiences were universally representative of the LGBTQ community. There were also numerous examples where something ceased to be true if everyone in the room knew I was Jewish. While I still feel the basic concepts presented in McIntosh's work are valuable and absolutely should not be disregarded, she writes from multiple points of unacknowledged privilege - she is an upper-middle-class, employed, well-educated woman - while focusing solely on the privilege of her racial status. I found upon re-reading that McIntosh's work seemed steeped in the kind of white liberal guilt that leads people to believe I am going to Rwanda to save Africa - or going to Rwanda so that Africa can save me.

How do we talk about race in an age that we want to be post-racial, in which post-racial dialogue is being hailed by the President himself as the way forward to unity in our nation? How does an experience we would have gladly had in Mexico, or Eastern Europe (and in fact, I hope we will someday have the opportunity to live, work and volunteer in these places and many more besides) change for us and the people we encounter when we take our race and a wretched history of colonization into account upon the evaluation? Should it or does it change our motives or our behavior?

We both went to public universities with much higher than average minority representation and followed that up by living in a city with a large African-American population and a rich and at times fraught racial history, and then took it upon ourselves to move into a neighborhood in which the white people are way outnumbered. One of us worked for a small company owned by a powerful African-American woman and staffed by an extremely diverse group of mostly women (to be touched on later!). As such, I think we can safely say that we have more experience with the very unusual phenomenon (in America) of UNDERrepresentations of whiteness. We have been clearly informed that this in no way prepares us for Africa, where our skin color will very much matter, particularly since we will be spending a lot of time outside Kigali, and may at times be among the only white people some Rwandans have ever seen.

Of course, our whiteness doesn't exist in a vacuum, and I'm looking forward to thinking about, writing about, and experiencing how our gender intersects with our race to shape our experience as we travel; Women, after all, are Why we are going.

Shippin' off....

I must say... the last few days have been pretty surreal. The assistants will be reunited in less than 7 days. Boxes have arrived at the 105 for packing and rolls of packing tape are piling up. The final days in DC are shaping up to be pretty amazing. We've scored 4 floor-side tickets to next Tuesday's Wizards game; an 80 minute Swedish massage on the Friday after Thanksgiving; A Florida Gators Snuggie; A pizza & wine night; too many lunches and dinners to count and nights full of reliving the "DC Glory Days." Our separation is becoming even more bittersweet as it draws closer and we come to terms with saying goodbye to some amazing friends, some sites of amazing memories and some of the most defining years of our lives.

We'll be doing a grand "Ode to DC" the day we officially pack up and leave the 105, but as we say goodbye there are some memories that stand out so crystal clear to me as truly amazing.

-The first time the Assistants realized they were destined to be besties. It was a night of DVD watching and wine at one of our apartments and we were almost done with the DVD before we realized that we had been talking the entire way through the movie. It was the first of many, many deep discussions to be held over quesadillas and liquor.

-Summer '08: The summer of wisdom teeth removal, The DNC, and a rooftop pool. We were crispy fried tanned from all-day pool side days on Saturdays, giddy with every Saturday night involving a bottle of tequila, margarita mix, and quesadillas. Every Sunday was spent with coffee and laptops poolside. It was also the scene of our first roadtrip together from DC - New Hampshire which involved me learning how to drive out of Manhattan and not end up in the Bronx (there was a lot of shouting and one of us may have shown a boob just to get over to the right lane). We both spent most of those months incessantly planning for The DNC, booking flights and hotels, and planning parties for people who had much more money than us and that we weren't going to be going to. We itinerized, we planned, we executed and we did most of it from a laptop on a roof by a pool.

-Election Season: We door knocked. We went out in the cold to GOTV. We collected pins to wear on puffer vests. and then - we celebrated. We danced in our offices, we talked on two phones at the same time, we popped bottles of champagne that were paid for by our employers and we danced in the streets with thousands of new best friends. Then, we did it all over again during the Inauguration - except that time, we brought one of our mothers along for the ride.

-Roadtrip | Summer '09: We centered our internal Thelma and Louise. We drove around, through and into most of the entire east side of the country. One of us got laid off in the middle of the trip. One of us was labeled "dangerous single girl" at a wedding reception. One of us drove for 14 hours straight (Indiana to New Jersey) and turned in to some sort of giddy/laughy/delusion version of herself - she was given a free mudslide in return. One of us was surprised by a visit from a boyfriend while the other was grilled about the tattoos on her back. We both enjoyed every blackberry-free minute of sun-filled vacation bliss.

"And So It Begins"

To be honest, there is no excuse for how long it has been since I've posted. Asst 1, bless her heart, has really stepped up to the plate. What happened, you see, is that I got tired, and overwhelmed. I moved home a few months earlier than planned, which has been amazing. It's been two years since I got to spend a really significant amount of time with my family, and my grandfather is living with us right now, which has been wonderful. Fall in New England is my favorite thing. Not my favorite time or season or place: it is my favorite thing. I love it so. I spent Halloween in Salem (yes, THE Salem), picked my own apples and pumpkins, and ate more things doused in cinnamon (including donuts) than I would ever admit to a nutritionist. I have been very happy.

At the same time, being away from the constant support of this dream that was offered by Asst 1 is hard. We gchat, but it's not the same as collapsing on the futon every night to bitch about our days. But every time I start to think I dreamed a little too big on this one, taking the trip of a lifetime while the economy is tanking and I'm trying to apply for grad schools, something has saved me. At the hardest points in working for this, when I've been staring at the numbers thinking, "No, it's just not going to happen, it's not going to work," something has, miraculously, in the words of the great Tim Gunn, MADE IT WORK. I have been cramming in hours at my temp job at a delightful local company that takes school pictures for about 400 schools in the area, you see, and my life has narrowed down to numbers. Everything, always, is about numbers. I can't say its about money, because I am extremely blessed in that I rarely consider money anymore. I'm not paying rent, nor do I buy my own groceries (and oh God, yes, I feel like I'm 13 again on many, many occasions). No, what I think about is numbers. Next week, I will have, say, 800. 400 needs to go towards my visit to Seattle. That leaves 400 for tickets... and so on. It's already gone before I've even earned it, so it's all just numbers!

But as I mentioned, by sheer grace of goodwill, those numbers are really starting to work. All of my immunizations are done except for yellowfever*. The program itself is completely paid for. I'm down to just flights and spending money, and damn it feels good. Next weekend I'm driving down to DC for The Epic Move, where Asst 1 and I, who can make a production out of anything, have a 3 day 6-ring circus planned. It involves the new Twilight movie. Don't judge. You know you love it too. After that I'm going to visit my best friend in Seattle, another city I've never been to and am extremely excited to see for the first time. Then the holidays, and my cousin is getting married on New Year's Eve. And then. um. we leave.

So I feel like it's going quick - GOOD THINGS ARE HAPPENING!!!

*side note: Asst 1 and I both decided to take PILLS to immunize ourselves against Typhoid. I had no idea this was an option, but instead of a shot that immunizes you against Typhoid for a year, you can take 4 pills, one every other day for 8 days, that will leave you immune to it for FIVE years. Isn't that wild? And yet, I was disappointed. I mean, these pills are LIVE TYPHOID CULTURES, for the love of God (apologies, living with my extremely Catholic, church-on-cable-watching Grampy has had a severe impact on my vocabulary, obviously), and they were... disappointing. Just little pink pills. I don't know - I guess I expected them to squirm or something. Since I am a giant procrastinator and painfully forgetful, I am only just now getting around to taking these this week, because my mother reminded me that we live in New England and could lose power at any moment, and if I got Typhoid all over her fridge she was gonna be pissed.

25 Years : A Reflection

So, over the last 14 days, both myself and Assistant 2 have celebrated entering our 25th year of life. Not only did we make sure it was a grand celebration, we both realized that we were living epically different lives, yet still maintaining the same path. I knew turning 25 would be a great chapter opening in my life, but I've started to realize a few things that will now continue happening on a more frequent basis. I suppose that now that I can rent a car w/o the epic extra fees, there are some things that are expected by society. So - I tried to make them into a simplified list, so that every one else turning 25 will have a bit of a 'chapter of contents' to expect in this new page - turner of an age!

The Proverbial Question:
I've never been shy about where I come from and that it is country through and through. I love being from the country - we keep things simple and we love to breathe easy. However, along with that are the lowpoints. These lowpoints have become much more realized now that I'm 25. For example, the proverbial question comes up much more often. The proverbial question for those of us from the country is: Are you married? Do you have kids yet?

YET?? YET?!?!?! I'm still grappling with the fact I'm not in college any more, let alone thinking about procreating! And then there's that whole finding someone to put up with for a significant period of time to take on the procreating.

Life (and Photos, Books, Clothes, etc) Piling Up:
I'm not a fan of clutter as many of my former roommates are very aware. I'd much prefer to have a drawer for the clutter than have clutter sitting out - that's just how I roll. But I'm coming to learn that I'm accumulating much more STUFF. More clothes that are not tshirts and jeans/sweatpants acculumating in my closet. More photo frames gathering on my walls, dressers and bedside table. More jewelery on my necklace holder.

Then there are the things that don't physically accumulate. Baggage from relationships, jobs and experience piles on on. Responsibilities from work, family and friends becomes deeper and sometimes (hopefully) more rewarding. Pressure piles on: Pressure to get on the right career track, pressure to commit to something (career, city, relationship, etc), and pressure to start achieving all those things you dreamed about when you said "When I grow up....." I just hope that after all this pressure, we get diamonds on our toenails or something!

Mac & Cheese and Wine:
So, as significant an age as 25 is - there are certain things that we DON'T have to do. There are things, pieces of our past, that we can continue to hold on. Things that we can still keep, but that won't impede our growth. Things that will keep us wondering, keep us young and keep us amazed by this life we have. We don't have to give up meals that consist of wine and a boxed meal. We don't have to waver in our beliefs anymore because if we've been believing them this long, we might as well keep on with them. We don't have to settle. We don't have to let go of our youthful vices like Sour Patch Kids, Teen Romance Novels, and cheesey reality tv (I think there's a clause in our birth certificates that say these things need to relinguished at age 40. There may be some sort of Congressional Investigation Committee to look in to this and change it to 45 - we are living longer you know.)

Slowing Down, Speeding Up & Holding Steady:
Slower: Time it takes to run a mile; metabolism; time to enjoy a good glass of wine (You can't chug after age 25, its just not classy); spending time with family; enjoying a good meal with good friends.

Speeding Up: Stress from job, relationships, spawn; a want for travel and adventure; frequent flier point accumulation; the search for perfection.

Holding Steady: Sense of humor; enjoyment of caffeinated beverages; realization that you'll never be 20 again, nor will you ever be 15 again.

Exercise Ball Chairs:
The older we get, the more time we spend in a chair. No more midafternoon PE classes and no more elective courses in the physical education department. Lots of the time from waking to getting home for dinner is spent sitting. So, I've decided that from now on, I'm substituting my office chair for an exercise chair. I'm hoping that a) this will keep away those bothersome lower back problems and b) will work on those pesky ab problems associated with sitting so much.

The First of Many:
.... drive rental cars/trucks without extra fees.
.... start eliminating toxic friends without feeling bad about it.
.... travel internationally alone and afford it and feel ok splurging.
.... feel free to spend money on a nice bottle of wine and apps instead of gorging at dinner.
.... finding peace in being single, or alone on a Saturday night, or eating out in a party of one.

Favorite Things

It's time once again for "Thing We're Looking Forward To!" We were lucky enough to have one of the past volunteers of our program send us some great photos that got us really excited!! check them out!

This photo is from the house and is looking into our village, the Remera District in Kigali. Towns everywhere look so much different than America - this is such a great view of what we'll be seeing everyday in Kigali!

Some past volunteers of the program in this photo. It's a cool look at the front of our guest house as well. It has such a cozy, collegiate feel to it right?! And their smiles are so exciting and so awesome... I can't wait to be in their shoes!

This is actually one of the bedrooms in the house we'll be staying in! Mosquito nets are definitely part of the awesome decor - how much does this remind you of your first bed at college?!?!

This is one of the past volunteers who did the teaching program and these are some of her adorable students. The smiles on their faces makes me glow deep down inside. I'm so excited to meet some of these amazing young people!

Interesting Article

In the Wall Street Journal today about young adults volunteering time in other countries. It was so amazing to read this girl's story because 1) she went to Kigali, Rwanda and 2) she was broke and making it work too! Some of my favorite highlights then the link for the story.

"she was working overtime until midnight most nights to pay for a volunteer trip to a Rwandan orphanage."

"'Working seven days a week is hard, but their smiles make up for my loss of sleep or brunches with friends.'"

A Helping Hand in Rwanda, Wall Street Journal 11.09.09

Reaching Out & Looking Up

It's been an awesome week for the assistants. I'll let my partner in crime expound on her exciting last seven days.

For the both of us however, we've had some excitement. My friend, actor, Isaiah Washington, put us in touch with an amazing woman named Floriane who has a organization in Rwanda. She's offered to meet up with before we leave, give us tips on the country, tell us more about it and even meet up with us when we've landed in Kigali! Her organization is doing some amazing things, building a village for displaced families and we're so excited to have such an amazing woman in our corner.

Second, we got in touch (Finally!!) with a past volunteer of our program. She did the teaching track in our program, but nonetheless, she had some great info about what our life will be like in Rwanda. She told us about our house, our village and some of the cool things we must do while we're there. She also put us in touch with someone who has done our exact track, Gender-Based Violence Prevention, and we just reached out to her a couple days ago.

Finally, a good friend of mine is living in South Africa until the end of next year and he and I are trying to get a little Kigali-Jo'burg visit straightened out. I've been dying to see Jo'burg since we started planning this trip and now, I have a friend there that I can meet up with for the obligatory siteseeing!!

Generally, things are coming together - exciting things at that. There's literally, only one more step. Okay - one more GIANT step - and a few (lots) little things and this is on our doorstep. We've got some flights to book and some moving to do, but, aside from that, we're on the downhill side of this trip and it is exciting. Just a few more weeks of shoestring budgets and discount shopping before booking the big flight. Then, we're basically good to go.

It's an amazing time right now and we're literally looking in to the bright light at the end of this tunnel, which will open into another HUGE tunnel of adventure. We hear there are abundent baboons in this tunnel. And elephants and hippos... this tunnel is probably the best thing ever. We love this tunnel.